Nnobi House

WHERE TO INVEST IN NIGERIA IN JULY 2009???

2009-07-28T11:16:00.000-07:00

WHERE TO INVEST IN NIGERIA IN JULY 2009???
Fixed Income, Quoted Stocks, un-quoted companies, Alternative Investments (in this case, Real Estate), Ponzi Schemes, Tianshi Products, Foreign Exchange transactions etc etc etc

All answers on a post-card please. In all honesty, all responses are welcome.

The Stock Market
The stock market has picked itself up from its lows. However the easy money of 2007/08 is not so easy to come by. The Nigerian Stock Market is behaving more like any other stock market in the world. The thundering herd has moved on and the market is left for those that use intelligence to pick their stocks. What shall it be – banks, cement, beer, manufacturing, technology, mutual funds?. You take your pick but please have a sound reason for doing so. Especially considering that we are no longer seeing 300% returns in 3 months. A mature market’s long term average on stocks is what, 9%? Nigerian stocks are still providing returns well above this, if you invested earlier in the year at the bottom of the market, you may easily be seeing returns close to 100% but did you have the balls to invest at the bottom? P.S. analysis is also not so easy to come by, so please do your own, there are opportunities to be found. As an aside, the banking stocks have recently taken a pounding with all the negative pronouncements coming out of CBN. P/E ratios can be found as low as 5-6. Now appears to be the time to buy. Unfortunately, I bought a little too early, but will sit things out.

The Fixed Income Market (Fixing your money)
What is Nigeria’s current inflation rate – circa 11%. What is the average rate at which a bank will be willing to provide you with a guaranteed return for locking up your money for a particular period of time. Approximately a 15% guaranteed return. One also has to take into account foreign exchange fluctuations. Are you loosing or gaining on the exchange rate. 15% is not bad compared to UK/US rates of 0.6% or thereabouts. 15% is not so great considering inflation of 11%. A 4% real return with a fairly large chunk of risk thrown in. Choose the stronger banks to provide you with a lower risk threshold and a hence a level of comfort that you will get your money back. Ask your new CBN Governor, Sanusi Lamido, which banks are considered strong and which are not.

Real Estate
I have written in the past about the interesting face of Nigerian Real Estate, specifically, Lagos and Abuja. With plots of land and finished property selling for astronomical sums of money, annual yields from rental returns could easily be below 5%. Compare this to fixing your money in a bank for 15%. A no-brainer perhaps or perhaps not. Why the attraction then to real estate. What is the long-term appreciation of land and property in Nigeria – 20/30/40% per annum. So perhaps not such a bad investment after all. Prices have stagnated or even fallen over the past year. Is this the time to buy? I do not have answers to these questions. Real Estate will always be a good investment if purchased at the right time and in the right place. Additional analysis needs to be done as to whether to invest in commercial office space, retail, residential, vacant land or some other permutation of real estate that will give you the greatest return over time.

Sorry, right now, it appears I have more questions than answers, but hey, that’s why investing is such good fun, you never have all the answers and you can gain a lot by adding the value that comes from doing your own research. I caveat that with the fact that investment can also be painful when you are losing money…

UPDATE

2009-07-20T07:52:00.000-07:00

Sat 18th July

I am coming to the tail end of an eventful 2 week holiday. Not quite spent lolling by a pool. More a time to catch up with the outside world and take care of some personal business. I spent some time in the UK and would like to thank all those that asked me to please update my blog. It’s good to know there are those that remember my blog well.

The family is still in the UK and I am not yet back at work. I am in the rare position of having the time to think for more than 2 minutes at a stretch. I hope that it is not the availability of this time however rare that is enabling me to update my blog. In other words, I hope my going back to work on Monday will not put a stop to my re-starting my blog. We shall see…

Work Pressures

2009-04-23T06:40:00.000-07:00

Every now and then I get up from my desk after lunch and go for a walk in the hot Nigerian sun, dust and rugged roads, pausing every now and then to cool down under a tree and watch Lagos life go by.

I do this because I have to remind myself that I am a human being and not a Central Processing Unit in a computer. I also do it to remind myself that there is a greater life beyond the four walls of my office.

I am grateful I have a job but I want more...

God bless

A little happiness from lifes little pleasures

2009-04-07T02:18:00.000-07:00

I love my jogging. This Saturday morning, nice and early about 7.15am, I put on my jogging stuff, limbered up and jogged out the gate and up the road heading for the club (only about a 15 minute jog). I love to jog because it clears my head, I leave my weekday work pressures behind and I get all kinds of ideas in my head that connect the important dots in my life together.

When I got to the club all nice and sweaty, I changed to my trunks, had a shower, stood by the deep end of the empty pool and dived in. Sheer blisssssss

As I swam slowly on my back through the water, admiring the early morning blue sky and thanking God for my life (always very important) I realized that there are certain things in life that however much money you may or may not make, you will not want to change. For me, whatever else may or may not change going forward in my life, I pray that there will always be a place for my jog and swim. Truly a blessing consisting of good health, availability of time and the means to enjoy it all (not everyone has the legs for a jog or the water to drink, not to mention swim in or even the good health to do either).

I think that If you can pick out the things in your life that give you happiness, things that will not change in your life even if you become a billionaire (for me, playing with the kids, time with my wife, my jog and a swim, thorntons toffee, a good cup of coffee, reading a good book, travel etc etc etc) and if you can do these things a bit more often and do a bit less of the things that remove happiness from your life then you won’t need to be a billionaire because you will already have the richness and blessings of life. Now that is the true meaning of happiness.

That’s my word of wisdom for the month.

Thanks for the comments, keep them coming

2009-04-07T02:16:00.000-07:00

I am touched that I still have loyal readers even though I haven't been at all regular in my postings.

Thanks for the comments all, and keep them coming

Munachi

THE QUINTESSENTIAL NIGERIAN WORKER

2009-03-31T02:32:00.000-07:00

THE QUINTESSENTIAL NIGERIAN WORKER – 31/03/09

The Nigerian worker aspires to a point where his table is cleared of blame. This is achieved by ensuring there is somebody else is to blame. Preferably some patsy who is too weak to fight back. The strong overpower the weak.

The perfect Nigerian worker sails through his day with very little worry. He is not a team player. He is not here to help you or to provide solutions to your problems or to support you in any way. He is here to support himself and if you wish to support him, even better, as long as you deliver to his requirements and on time. He only believes in team work when it is useful to him meeting his own deliverables. Otherwise, it is an alien concept.

I come from an environment where it is encouraged to be a team player. In this environment, being a team player is asking for it. You never, ever take on some one elses work. Make a mistake and you are the one to take the blame for everything that has gone wrong since the other person started in the company. I just had an ear full from some one who was telling me what to do to correct his mistakes. I had taken on board his requests and subsequently when things did not go well, he started screaming in my ear that I did not follow his instructions.

I could have told him to go shove it but that would not be professional of me. He’s already going to stew in his own juices, I don’t have to make it worse for him (I should make it worse for him really, that’s probably what he would have done if the tables were turned)

Do I seek to become the perfect Nigerian worker with my tightly delineated job spec. and woe betide anyone that comes to ask for anything beyond my spec. or do I continue down the lonely path of being there for everyone, the quintessential team player that wins no medals for supporting the team (if such a concept exists)?

Hmmmm time will tell, time will tell…

Tips for surviving 2009 (The Nigerian Context)

2009-02-11T00:43:00.000-08:00

INTRODUCTION: TIPS FOR INDIVIDUALS:
“SURVIVING 2009”
(OUR FINANCIAL PERSPECTIVE– FOR INDIVIDUALS)

FORECASTS:
For once, both optimists and pessimist agree on one thing: 2009 would
probably be one of the most challenging times in living history for
most people. Even those who predicted that Nigeria was too detached
from the global economic crisis have all reversed their positions.

Warren Buffet (arguably the greatest investor of our time) says: The
secret to making money is to be cautious when everyone is greedy and
to be greedy when everyone is cautious. But a lot of questions are on
our minds: Have the Nigerian stock market reached its bottom?

Should I average down by investing at these low prices? Is there a real
estate bubble? Will Naira depreciate further? What else can I invest in?
Will I keep my job in 2009? Will there be a banking crisis or consolidation?
How best can I survive in 2009? This is our attempt to answer
all these questions and more.

Many experts on the Nigerian economy agree on the following predictions:

Foreign exchange rate will depreciate further to between N145
to N155 per US$1 by the year end 2009; Nigeria ’s foreign reserves may
have halved by 2009 ending, from about US$52billion in December
2008 ($63bn in September 08); Prime lending rates would range between
20% and 25% depending on CBN’s willingness to print money
and the mode of financing our N1 trillion deficit budget; Crude Oil
prices would range between $25 to $55 per barrel depending on
weather conditions and events in the middle east; Real Estate prices
would adjust downwards by between 10% to 50% (especially in Ikoyi,
Lekki and Victoria Island); Nigeria ’s cocoa exports would drop significantly;
There would be huge swings in share prices (upwards and
downward) with an average slow trend upwards; Unemployment
would rise (even amongst bankers); Consumer confidence would drop
and crime rate would rise; and the Foreign exchange ‘black’ market
would re-emerge and trade at a premium of between 5% to 10% above
the official exchange rate.

Generally, all you need in 2009 are the 3 C’s: CASH, COURAGE
and CALM. CASH to survive and take advantage of all the
golden opportunities which will arise. COURAGE to aggressively
implement all the highlighted recommendations/Tips; and
CALM to remain steadfast.

Other Tips Include:

Determine & Monitor your Net worth: Net worth is what is
left after you add all your Assets and subtract all your Liabilities.
For you, Assets include: Shares which have been dematerialized
into CSCS at current market prices; Real Estate with proper title
documents; Cash in Bank; Gold and any asset with a high probability
to appreciate and easily determinable market values. Please
note that items like cars, cloths and furniture are deliberately excluded
and are considered dead assets. Liabilities include: Loans,
mortgages, and anything guaranteed to cause consistent cash out
flows in the future. Your aim in 2009 is to measure and increase
your assets/net worth consistently on a monthly basis.

Form a Cash Backed Family Reserve: In 2009 we recommend
you have a Cash Backed Family reserve in your savings or Fixed
deposit account. This can be calculated by estimating your total
family expenditure for 6 months assuming you and your spouse
lost both Jobs today. If you do not have this reserve, sell what
you can and cut all unnecessary expenditure until you can form
this reserve. This amount should be left unused until 2009 ending.
Once you have your cash reserve you can stop saving and
start investing. Every additional inflow after your cash reserve
forms part of your investible funds.

Avoid Debt:With astronomical interest rates you should be very
careful before you use any debt in Nigeria .

Live below your means: If you cannot save/invest at least 10%
of your income you are living above your means. To live below
your means you should save/invest about 20% of your monthly
income, every other expenditure should be cut off or suspended.

Take a Health insurance and a life Insurance: This eliminates
2 major financial risks you and your dependents may face.

Invest in Real Estate using Investment Clubs: With the proposed
decline in real estate, small investments in different real
estate ventures, with minimal debt would be preferable to large
investments. This form of investment is usually available using an
Investment Club.

TIPS FOR 2009:

Invest in Equities: Invest with a 2 year perspective in selected highquality
company equities with higher dividend yields and lower P/E
ratio’s compared with their pairs. Buy gradually, buy what you understand,
and avoid stocks known to have manipulated prices. In addition
you may Invest in trusted Mutual Funds. Investment in Private Equity
can be very profitable if done via experienced managers. We recommend
about 20% of your investible funds should be allocated to equities.

Invest in Fixed Income: Invest in Commercial papers, Bonds, Guaranteed
investments, Treasury Bills, and foreign currency which can be
easily liquidated to take advantage of interesting opportunities. We
recommend that about 60% of your investible funds should be in this
form.

Like Buffet SEEK ONLY ‘DEALS’: In 2009 a lot of once-in-a-lifetime
deals would emerge, however only those who are ready with
cash would be able to take advantage quickly. Make it a point not to
part with your cash unless it’s a “deal of a life time”. Don’t be in a
hurry to invest. Always walk away if you are unsure. More deals would
come subsequently. The opportunity cost of spending your cash is
high.

Reconfirm the status of your Pension (PFA) contribution: Those
little monthly contributions could amount to a fortune in future.

Safeguard your assets and yourself: This include enhancing your
immediate security as crime rate is expected to increase. Also ,insure
your House and any major asset.

Do a Will or a Trust: As morbid as it may sound, this would make a
world of difference to your dependants, just in case the unfortunate
happens. Form the habit now and continue updating the Will as you
increase your net-worth.

Set 2 major Financial Goals: i.e. Education for you and your kids
and Housing for the family. Invest towards them aggressively.

Remain Motivated and seek opportunities aggressively: This is
the time to remain motivated and violently seek opportunities.
No gentle man survives the war front.

Do a Budget and stick to it meticulously: To manage your expenditure
you need to measure them continuously.

In Conclusion aggressively preserve your cash. This would give you
more options in 2009. Most importantly, be OPTIMISTIC not necessarily
about the future which you cannot control, but about your ability to
make the best out of whatever the future presents at you. Amidst this
uncertainty, most of the traditional assumption that determine the
industry boundaries/rules would have silently changed. Now more
than ever, a Game Changing Idea will work.

A lovely Yiddish poem about ponzi schemes and whatnot...

2009-01-25T10:23:00.000-08:00

YOU”RE A MEAN ONE BERNIE THE WALL STREET GRINCH
(Semi Yiddish Version)(You’re a Mean One Mr. Grinch)WilliamBanzai7
Sing along link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPBS7dVrE1U

You’re a mean one, Bernie the Grinch You really know how to “filch” and steel,You’re a cuddly Ponzi scheming cactus, you’re a charming Wall Street “khazer”, Bernie the Grinch,You’re a big Palm Beach banana with a greasy black peel!

You’re an asset management “loch in kop”, Bernie the GrinchYour business is a “gelt” black hole almost as big as AIG,Your brain is full of “ferkakdeh” trades, you have garlic in your “fershtinkiner” soul, Bernie the Grinch,Investors shouldn’t have touched you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!

You’re a foul one, Bernie the Grinch,You say the dog ate your “bupkes” records,You have all the tender sincerity of a typical “filching” Wall Street “shnorrer”, Bernie the Grinch,Given a choice between the two of you I’d sooner drink bottled water from the East River!

You’re a rotten “$-c-hm*ck”, Bernie the Grinch,You’re the king of hedge fund scamster “dreck”,Your heart’s a rotten “gefilte” splotched with moldy purple spots, Bernie the Grinch,You’re a triple decker synthetic CDO and toadstool CDS sandwich with arsenic fee sauce on top!

You nauseate me, Bernie the Grinch,You’re a nauseous super Wall Street “momzer!”,You’re a crooked Alpha “schlockster” and you run a crooked “shandhoiz”, Bernie the Grinch,Your trading books are an appalling dung heap overflowing with the most disgracefulassortment of “chazere” rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots!

You’re a foul one, Bernie the Grinch,You’re a nasty wasty Wall Street “goniff”,Your heart is an unwashed “shmanta”, your soul is full of bogus “schmaltz”, Bernie the Grinch,The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote,“Shtunk, shtup, shlemiel”!

Bernard Madoff“Tsen shifn mit gold zol er farmorgn, un dos gantse gelt zol er farkrenkn.”Ten ships of gold should be his and the money should only make him sick.

— Posted by williambanzai7

Happy 2009 to all my readers

2009-01-04T12:52:00.000-08:00

Welcome to 2009
2008 was the year I moved back to Nigeria from the UK. I stopped working at Network Rail Infrastructure Limited on Thursday the 1st of May 2008 and started working with Diamond Capital & Financial Markets Limited (DCFM) on Monday the 5th of May. Talk about in at the deep end.

For the past 8 months, I have been working non-stop as the Head of Principal Investments at Diamond Capital, responsible for historical equity investments made by Diamond Bank and all future investments made by Diamond Capital. I am responsible for investments in paint and resin factories, beer bottling plants, real estate developments, oil and gas servicing companies, road haulage and logistic companies, natural gas bottling plants, rice farms, car tracking companies, telecoms investments, health companies, catering companies – anything that moves and we can invest in for a good return, I am responsible for. I have become responsible for the structuring, the tracking, monitoring, logistics, legal issues, entry and subsequent exit from the investment…

No be small…

That is why I have been working from dawn till dusk over the past 8 months, working like a dog, chasing my tail. But, it is not sustainable. It can’t continue like this. It’s no fun and life had better be fun or you move on. I can’t continue to complain that I am in-undated by the sheer volume of work. 2009 is the year I have to take things forward. I have to make a change. I have to rise beyond carrying all the operational issues on my back, and start putting people in place under me to take care of the day-to-day running of this business. I can’t continue and do not derive pleasure from running a fire fighting business and I need to move to a more strategic level where I can add more value and vision.

I told my organisation at the team building event when I joined that I intended to work towards taking off on Wednesday afternoons to go and play golf. They looked at me with expectation. I still stand by this promise, and I haven’t changed from my expectation. I appreciate that I am in a great position of being able to pick whatever investment I believe can make money as long as I can defend the idea. It is a great position to be in. I have to make the most of the opportunity as such an opportunity for me to go off and place experiments with someone else’s money may not come walking off the street every day.

At the same time, I have to make time for developing strategy, I have to make time to develop strategic relationships both for the position I am in but also for my own career development. No man is an island as they say. I have every intention of making a success of what I do and I can’t do it successfully by continuing along the path I left in 2008.

So, welcome 2009, things are not going back to the way they were. I am no longer a baby in this country. Time to start to assert myself. Time to put my own plans in place. Time to make a change.

Munachi Okoye

Internet at home (at last)

2009-01-04T12:48:00.000-08:00

I have to take the time to preach the virtues of my new Starcomms izap USB Modem. At last, internet at home and at a reasonable price of N6,500 per month for 100 hrs and at a pretty fast zapping speed. Not bad at all. It means I can update my blog from the peace and quiet of my study rather than from the controlled chaos of my working day. Fantastic.

An ode to my FT

2009-01-03T05:11:00.000-08:00

An ode to my FT

For any of my readers who have been following me on my blog over any length of time, you know that I often spend my Saturday mornings reading my one week old Weekend FT (it arrives on the Monday after the weekend and I don’t have time to savour it till the following weekend). So, here is an ode to my darling FT;

What else would combine my love of high finance with my other loves of Life & Arts (insert) and House & Home (another insert) with the additional luxuries of FT Magazine and "How to Spend It" thrown in. In the harsh hyper-real environment of Lagos, Nigeria, you need all the luxury you can get to take you away from the harsh realities of the working week.

I love the off-beat columns such as Harry Eyres column on the Brockwell Lido and the volunteer community of London, a totally different world from the one I am currently in. I love the variety of cultural offerings – food, wine, restaurants, architecture, drama, theatre, books, films, music, all the offerings one needs to feed their soul.

I’ll continue to read the FT for as long as it has a grip on me. I’ll pass it onto my kids to read it as well. It’s currently my lifeline to the greater world of which I am happy to belong and I truly appreciate the wide variety of skill and talent that goes into putting the FT together week after week. Well done FT, keep up the good work.

Munachi Okoye

Happy Christmas & New Year

2008-12-31T04:05:00.000-08:00

Here's to all my readers and former readers (seeing as I haven't updated my blog since November).

I would like to take the time to thank you all for your comments and companionship while writing my blog about my return to Nigeria. You have all been good friends on this journey.

I'd like to wish you all a great christmas and a 2009 that will bring you all the desires that you hold in your heart for yourself.

Kind regards
Munachi Okoye

Property Prices rise 150% (in Lagos not UK or US)

2008-11-07T10:00:00.000-08:00

After my write up on the State of the Nation, I came across this Business Day write up. Obviously and advert but still an indication of the current state of the market. A bit frothy if I may say so. Reminds me of London a couple of years ago...

Eleko Beach

2008-11-07T06:33:00.000-08:00

A nice change from work, work, work and traffic and Lagos gra-gra. Eleko Beach, about 20 mins drive up the Lekki - Epe expressway from where we live. Sheer bliss (and coconut milk and grilled fish and...)

State of the Economy III

2008-11-07T02:00:00.000-08:00

The Stock Market
I am told that there was a stock market crash in Nigeria in 1997, but the stock market was much smaller then and it appears as if a lot of stock brokers must have retired over the past 10 years. Fast forward another 10/11 years and we have experienced another crash of about 40-50% off the highs of last year. The loss is painfull. Especially considering that a lot of speculative investors poured in their life savings, kids school fees, house rents and pensions and levered up to increase returns. Things have turned for the worse and the banks are making margin calls and calling in their loans or selling client portfolios that cannot be serviced. Numerous stories abound of investors stock values being wiped out leaving only enough to repay the banks money and leaving interest payments on a portfolio that is now worth zilch. Very painful.

Investors are in pain, institutional operators are in pain, however the taxi driver and fruit seller on the street couldn’t care less as they are not the ones that had the means to invest. It is the bankers, the oil and gas middle management, the nouveau middle class wealthy, the professionals and the lower middle class that are exposed. Everyone is crying into their coffee. Unfortunate, but what goes up must come down. The Nigerian stock market and the Nigerian investor will emerge wiser and more mature after this.

The Real Estate Market
There was a brief report on BBC the other night about the booming Lagos real estate market. What comes after a boom (hands up please). The Lagos real estate market has been powering along. Annual returns of over 100% have been common place. The real estate market has tracked the stock market quite consistently, with profits generated from stock market returns being pumped into real estate. The boom has been most conspicuous on the Island but choice areas on the mainland have also taken off. Additional fuel was thrown onto the fire by the transfer of a lot of oil and gas staff from the current hotspots of the Naija Delta to the relatively calmer and more secure environment of Lagos Island. Rents shot up with the oil companies willing to pay top dollar and beat out all competition to secure choice properties. Rents have gone through the roof over the past couple of years because of this.

Moving forward to the present day, the stock market is tanking, the oil people have settled into their choice water front properties and what was driven by shaky fundamentals is now driven by speculative demand, hence the forming of a bubble. Eighty Million Naira properties can be rented for Three Million Naira. What’s the yield on that? Rents cannot cover interest payments (we saw this in London) and the expectation is now totally in the returns from asset appreciation. The makings of a classic bubble.

In fairness to the Nigerian market, things are slightly different here. Ownership penetration is very low. The bottom end of the market is crying out for reasonably priced housing, Lagos is a market of 140m people. However, the market for flats at $1.5m or rents at $120k per annum, hmmmm how many would rather sink their $1.5m in a Lagos flat than a US mansion?

Business/Entrepreneurship
Whatever is going on in the world of stocks and bonds, in Nigeria it is business as usual in the world of business. Every day I am sitting down with new or expanding business owners seeking capital. Be it real estate, car hire services, paint manufacturing, juice packing, agriculture, noodles, ethanol, sand dredging, Liquified Natural Gas, oil services, you name it, it is business as usual. The credit crunch, liquidity crisis, stock market melt down, these things have hardly touched the real economy. As I pointed out earlier, there are 140m Nigerians and they all need to be fed, housed, entertained, supplied with energy and provided with all the demands that 140m Nigerians make. The economy is emerging, the middle class is emerging (albeit a bit poorer considering the fall in the stock market), they all want nice things, the opportunities are there for the taking.

wonderful wii

2008-10-28T10:39:00.000-07:00

wii
Just tested my body mass index (BMI) on our new fangled Nintendo wii. Very very very cool machine. I think I read somewhere that Ninetendo was the most profitable company in the world per employee head. I can see why. Fantastic merger of technology and content. Just like Apples ipod. I have a BMI of just over 25 by the way…

How to get a good driver

2008-10-28T10:26:00.000-07:00

Your Island Driver

Dear all, in this short space of time, I am already on my second driver, and although under no circumstances do I believe I can call myself an expert at interviewing drivers, I do believe I have an observative mind and can provide you the reader with a road map to avoid the pitfalls in taking on a driver who will add to your already existing Lagos stress. Please read and remember. You have been warned. Here goes;

1) Drivers, just like any other profession come in all shapes, sizes, shades, levels, emotional persuasions, levels of scruffiness or tie and suit wearing dressiness etc. I prefer a driver who has a happy heart rather than one who you cannot read what is going on behind a bland exterior or one who has a face like thunder when you see them in the morning(you may have a psychotic mad man driving you around, be warned)

2) Only employ a driver who knows the area around where you live and work and can drive the backstreets. You need someone who can get you past traffic hotspots in 10 minutes rather than 2 hrs (I talk from experience)

3) Your driver will always say that he has driven in your area for the past 10 years and can drive blind folded. Do not believe him. He has probably driven through your area once in 10 years and knows it less better than you who has just come. Warn him that if he is lying you will sack him on the spot. That should get the truth out of him.

4) You do not want a driver that drives like a little girl (sorry all the little girls who are good drivers out there). I had a driver that everyone would pass on the road, who would run to the other lane when anyone cut in and who other drivers used to horn before overtaking in a cloud of dust. I told him he drove like a woman and he went on to almost hit someone trying to prove he could weave through traffic the way Mohammed Ali weaves in the boxing ring. That was the last day he drove me. He was psychotic and I was more afraid of him than he was of me. Not a good thing to have with a driver.

5) You do want a humble driver who is grateful for employment. Do not get a driver who believes he is doing you a favour by taking your measerly N30k (average Island driver price). My last driver felt I should share my salary 50/50 with him as it was obviously more in my interest than his to stay with me. He benchmarked me against what oil companies and banks pay their corporate drivers and I was found wanting. We unfortunately parted ways and I hear he is now sitting around dreaming of the big time. He wanted to come round and see my family but he could be equally psychotic and I don’t want anything more to do with him.

6) Do not employ a driver that does not provide standard drive etiquette. Carry out the bag test. I was testing a driver to see if he would take my ruck sack from my back and carry it for me. He walked in front of me to my car as if he was the Oga and I was the driver. He had asked me earlier what car I drive to be sure I would fit into his corporate driving image. He obviously did not get the job.
7) You need a driver that is tough enough not to be fazed by the “wetin you carry, show us your particulars” police, the Lagos “Last Chance” LASTMA, and assorted armed robbers, area boys and other folk that would like to seperate you from your money and your phone and that you have to steer past or run over on your daily commute to and from home. Do not worry, choose your driver well and he will be your look out while you sleep in the back seat of your car. These assorted folk add variety and spice to your Lagos life anyway, so do not knock them.

8) Finally, the most important thing is to employ someone with a good heart who will not let you down in your time of need

Take care and good luck.

Saturday Morning II

2008-10-16T06:45:00.000-07:00

Saturday Morning 11/10/08 10.10am

I haven’t been writing frequently. I am sure everyone has given up on me. I am probably writing for myself now. Which is not bad bcos I can write what I like, a personal diary on the web, without the fear of anyone reading it.

It has been quite a journey coming back to my home country Nigeria. Starting with living in a big empty house with no fridge, no mosquito net, loads of pet mosquitoes and cockroaches to share the house with, a new job, new environment, new way of working, different culture, everything new. VERY VERY VERY CHALLENGING.

Now it’s a Saturday morning, my family is with me, I’m playing my music on my iPod connected to the stereo, I’ve got my one week old FT Weekend to read about some new banks failing, it’s raining outside, very peaceful inside, can’t go out because of possible flare up caused by local elections, I’m surrounded by the family and family belongings, work coming under some semblance of order. We are not quite there yet, it still takes me an hour to work and two to return, I still wake up 5am to get to work for a 7am – 7pm day to get home at 9pm, my Oga still bawls me out (in Nigeria, you have a licence to bully any unfortunates under you), but we are getting there.

I thought it would take about 2 years before my missus agrees that coming here was a good idea but she agreed after 2 months (Alleluyah!!!). We are getting there, gradually but we are getting there

Saturday Morning

2008-10-16T06:44:00.000-07:00

Saturday Morning 04/10/08 8.52am

A nice peaceful morning. I worked till about 9pm in the office last night preparing papers for a Monday board meeting. I’ve had a bout of Malaria over the last few days so I am forced to slow down and take life easy. Hence, I find myself this morning writing my blog (offline), reading my last week’s FT Weekend subscription (it comes in on the Monday and I don’t have the time to read it till the following weekend) and playing with my young ones.

It’s a nice peaceful morning, the early morning Nigerian sun is out, madam has happily gone for a PTA meeting and I have the whole weekend ahead of me. Right now is alright.

Thank You

2008-10-16T06:40:00.001-07:00

The unfamiliar is gradually becoming familiar
I thank you for enjoying my blog.
Have a great day
Munachi Okoye

LEKKI LIFE

2008-09-23T09:08:00.000-07:00

Tuesday 23rd September 2008
4 ½ Months and counting…

I like the sound of that, “Lekki Life”, sounds like something you’d find in an upscale inflight magazine or something you'd find in the FT Weekend Life & Arts section. I’ve just come back from the University of Lagos. I studied there for six years and it took me a whole six years to learn the correct way to chat up young ladies (I was discussing my early learning days with my driver, and it brought back good memories). I used to go up to them and tell them how beautiful they were while my friends sniggered in the background. It actually used to go very well until they caught a glance of my friends sniggering in the background. I got rid of my friends as I improved… It’s still a peaceful environment but plastered with signs warning students not to join cults (gangs). We never had that in our days, only wearing designer clothes (baffs) and chasing young ladies and looking for cars to go to parties in.

Now that the kids are back in school, my commute to/from VI/Lekki has become a many headed monster. Being a rookie (like Obama, as they say) I thought things were not so bad over the school holidays. 5.45am turned to 6am and then even to 6.30am and life was good. Now, try leaving the house at 1min after 6am and the traffic that will meet you outside your door will seem like rush hour in Tokyo (or rush hour in Lagos, as the Japanese would say).

Lagos definitely is not asleep at 6am, no sleepy early morning cock crowing at 6am. The cock was having a bath at 4am and had left the building by 5. One good result about this traffic is that I am forced to look at 4x4’s as a necessity. What with the rains (floods) and the fact that there is a coastal sandy road that can cut your trip from VI to Lekki down from 2hrs to 45mins and the fact that only with a 4x4 can you cross the intersection and run from Lasma or armed robbers or other undesirables, it is essential that I start saving up for my tooled up ML55 and woe betide any green environmentalist that gets in my way as I speed home over those sandy dunes…

Work Life Balance

2008-09-23T08:58:00.000-07:00

Thanks Kemi and others leaving comments, keep da comments comin'

I returned last Friday from a business trip to Holland. I travelled Lagos – London – Brussels – Scheldepoort , Holland (by taxi) – Brussels – London – Abuja – Lagos. A bit tired after the long trip but I still went to sign in at the office Friday afternoon and I still got a telling off from my boss for not roaming my phone in the middle of nowhere in Scheldepoort, Holland.

I have begun to appreciate more and more the basis of owning one’s business in Nigeria. As your own boss, you are not beholden to outside forces that see no boundry between your work and personal lives and do not think twice before calling you on a Sunday morning as you prepare for church and telling you to bring yourself over to the office immediately to answer some questions on this and that.

Before coming back to work in Nigeria, I had sworn that I would not work for a bank (you have to sell your soul) and I would not live in Lagos (zero quality of life). Now I find myself working for a bank and living in Lagos. Hence selling my soul and loosing my life. This is obviously a misstep of biblical proportions. But in all of this, I am learning about life, being challenged, feeling totally stretched and in a rare quiet moment, actually enjoying my fast paced, emotionally taxing, challenging and demanding life. My comfort zone is still so far out on the horizon that I have to crane my neck and squint to see it. Maybe it will gradually sail back to join me.

A learning experience...

2008-09-16T13:39:00.000-07:00

If wishes were horses, beggers would ride, if I had the kind of work environment I am seeking, my life here would be ideal. But wishes are not horses, and beggers do not ride. If I had everything I wanted, I wouldn't need God anymore.

Dear God, please guide my path because nobody has the right to hold my life in their hands and knead me like dough. You have given me all that I need to achieve, please guide me to do what I have to do and be creative with what you have given me so that I can possess my Canaan.

It is faint consolation, but at least I don't work for Lehman. Sorry, Lehman guys....

Munachi Okoye

Progress

2008-09-16T13:36:00.000-07:00

PROGRESS
13/09/08

Don’t get me wrong, it is still very challenging. I was in the office this Saturday morning by 9.50am. This was after leaving the office the night before at 9.30pm trying to get an MOU out the door. I finally got to leave the office at about 12.30pm on Saturday to head for home and go and see my kids who I hadn’t seen all week, what with leaving the house at 6am and returning at 9pm every day this week.

I think my madam is gradually settling in based on her new membership in two wifes clubs. VGC Wife’s Club by dint of us enrolling our six year old boy in Saturday morning football, a prerequisite for any self respecting VGC wife with young boys. The second is the even move exclusive VGC returnees club. The returnees club is based around an outpost of returnees (mostly from the UK) whose initial stop-off point is the leafy surroundings of VGC , allowing you to aclimatise before venturing forth into the madness that is the rest of Lagos.

It was early evening time, we were in the VGC club by the pool chatting with 4 other members of the returnees club, talking about how they wish they had come over 4 years ago, me lounging on a pool lounger, after a swim with the kids in the pool, reading my one week old FT Weekend and biting into some nice suya accompanied by my small stout while our new house help was running round after the kids, weeeeeellllll, I think I will still choose Naija anyday, even with the pressures of work….

Other indications of progress;

1) The plumber is coming around Monday to plumb in the washing machine,
2) Our container is finally here and it’s a nice feeling being surrounded by your stuff
3) A call came in that the cooker knob was delivered just as I was sharpening my Samurai sword (killer of 1000 warriors) to go and spill blood at Park n' Shop.

I can smell progress in the air. October will make it 6 months since I have been here, funny how time flies….

Dealings with my pipol (Vol 2 – An Update)

2008-09-08T02:41:00.000-07:00

Monday 8TH September 2008

CONTAINER
Our container finally came on Saturday after the extortionate agent had taken an additional 330 pounds off me and wanted to take even more. We had a nice verbal exchange of words where I told him I was fed up paying for their incompetence and so on and so forth…

COOKER
Today is the day that the house of Park n’ Shop shall fall like a pack of cards, BANZAI/SHINTOOOO!!!

HOUSE
The flip side of the hassle of workmen is that they are unbelievably in-expensive compared to the UK. We got in our own carpenter who planed down the doors and they open nicely now, an electrician put in light bulbs in all the lights (fancy paying for an electrician in the UK to replace light bulbs) and we have a new house help who is helping Madam unpack. Not a bad result.

DSTV GUY
DSTV guy showed up at last but the DSTV did not work until Sunday when I was fiddling with it and realized that it was due to the new fangled set top box being on pause or slo mo or something…

we are getting there, step by step...

dealings with my people (or, my people dealing with me)

2008-09-03T10:52:00.000-07:00

Wednesday 3RD September 2008

When you can deal with Naija workman and succeed, you can deal with the world and they will bow down and beg you for mercy (An old Confucian proverb)…

CONTAINER
A container came two months ago to take our family belongings. We shared the container with a friend to reduce the costs. We were quoted a door to door price of 3,680 pounds by Raymond at Gateway Express and went with them after discussions with a number of shippers. Two months later, we are yet to receive our container. Every day a new story. One day it is that the goods are undergoing a physical inspection and we have to pay more duty because of all the new items our friends put in the container (be warned), the next day it is that the container was mis-placed, the day after that it is that the container has been found but some people have to be settled, next it is that nothing is moving because of the rain.

Right now the current story is that the money we paid is not enough and we have to pay an additional two hundred and fifty pounds for our goods to show up or the man is walking away. Talk about being held to ransom. Maybe I should complain to Consumer Protection in the UK and get this useless agent’s operating licence taken away? You learn everyday…

COOKER
Before the family arrived, I bought some necessities for the house thinking that I shouldn’t buy too much as our container of family items was due to arrive shortly (how wrong I was). One of the things I did buy was a new cooker. Not cheap at six hundred pounds. The cooker was delivered along with a broken oven knob. Over the past three weeks, my driver has been returning to good old Park n’Shop almost on a daily basis to ask them to replace the knob. “Oga is not here”, “they were supposed to deliver it yesterday”, “let me call them”, “come back tomorrow”. As in the James Bond film, tomorrow never comes. Madam has gone to visit them, to no avail. Now I have left work to go and discuss with them about a cooker knob. We have agreed with the young earnest Asian man that no knob by tomorrow means I get to choose any new cooker in the store. I chose one and asked them to write down the name in case they go and remove all the cookers except the crappy ones. In this case, tomorrow is coming, let’s me go and halla like a Naija man whose fu-fu has just been taken from him…

HOUSE
We have a nice big house but the interior décor leaves a bit to be desired. The mosquito nets are slightly patched and are driving madam up the wall, (especially considering she has to stare at them all day), one or two door knobs have already come loose, and doors do not lock. Back in the good old days, the landlord/agent ran for the hills once he collected your money and was not seen again till rent was due. I thought I should check if things have changed and surprisingly, the agent so far has been responsible enough to accept responsibility for at least the initial quality of interior works before running for the hills. He has sent various carpenters, plumbers, net fixers and jack-of-all tradesmen round to look (but not fix) things. Fixing things is now the issue. He claims he has to be funded by the landlord who resides in far off Canada. Who knows how long it might take to move money from Canada to Nigeria –days, months, years?

DSTV GUY
Considering madam and the little ones are all going stir crazy in a big house with no tv, I thought it a good idea to splash out on a flatscreen and DSTV. Not cheap. Flat screen 562 pounds for a 32” Samsung and DSTV 396 pounds for the equivalent of Sky (this is intial set up and doesn’t include monthly subscription of 42 pounds. 1000 pounds all in. Just to watch some tv (what is the price of sanity?) Now coming to the issue at hand, my DSTV guy collected up-front costs of N85,000 (350 pounds) yesterday, he brought the dish, the decoder and other paraphernalia and deposited them in my car promising to be at our house first thing this morning for a prompt installation. It’s now 6.43pm; his phone has been switched off all day so I can’t reach him. Now do I;

a) Bawl him out for his clueless customer service
b) Ask him in sympathy whether he had a car accident and send him fruit considering he must have broken both arms so couldn’t call
c) Stab him in the back and pack him in a cupboard
d) Ignore his behavior as a true Nigerian who doesn’t expect anyone to turn up when they say and let him get on with his customer service-less installation

Answers on a postcard please…

The State of the Market Vol.4

2008-08-27T10:45:00.001-07:00

The Nigerian Stock Market is currently exhibiting all the twists and turns of a good Nigerian Nollywood movie. With a squeal of tires, investors roar up a one Way Street, the NSE follows in quick pursuit, lights blazing and blocks off the road behind them in the hope that there is no other exit. In the films there is always another way out, not quite so sure if that is the case in a falling stock market. Sell your stocks and you go out in a blaze of gunfire, your blood splattered all over the walls as you sink to the floor, very dead. Anyway, enough film analogies, let’s focus on the facts…

Following discussions yesterday, stocks will no longer be allowed to fall below a maximum of 1%. Historically stocks were allowed to fall by 5% but this is set to change. This should prevent stocks from entering into free fall but will not prevent them from opening limit down every day for the next 100 days.

The second resolution to address the falling market is that companies will now be allowed to purchase their own stocks. Presumably this had been dis-allowed to prevent rampant market manipulation by companies seeking to ensure that their stock price held out at least till the next capital raise or AGM (Nigeria is not the wild west for nothing).

The market has been in free fall over the last 6 months and as long as the fundamentals are biased towards falls in the price of company valuations, share prices will continue to fall, whether 1% or 5% limits are in place. Allowing companies to purchase their own shares is a practice that is in place in more mature markets and appears to make sense, the NSE should however do all in its power to ensure that they have monitoring structures in place that can penalize companies or individuals that use share purchases as a tool to manipulate the market. Easier said than done.

Afrinvest Equity Fund

2008-08-25T23:39:00.001-07:00

A new fund on the market as the title above suggests. I have had colleagues at Afrinvest from at least 5 years ago from when they were based in London – Ike, Philip, Andrew and more recently Godwin and Mabel in Nigeria. They are a professional company with strong governance and compliance structures in place.

While based in the UK they were pioneers in introducing foreign companies into the Nigerian markets (this was before the days when hedge fund managers started flying directly into Lagos and forming very long queues while my fellow Nigerians abroad were still swearing against their country) Their research capacity and due dilligence must be pretty thorough considering the hurdles they must have crossed in shepherding foreign money into Nigeria in the days when Nigeria was still considered the wild wild west (rather than the currently tame “wild west” )

Afrinvest has an initial offering into their new Afrinvest Equity Fund. Minimum investment N50,000 (min 500 units) and at N100 per unit thereafter. Opening date August 11th, closing date September 17th.

Investment Objective (I quote): The primary objective of the fund is to achieve long-term capital appreciation of its assets, through investments in a portfolio of equity securities quoted on the NSE and other investments approved by the Commission. The fund will invest primarily in stocks listed on the NSE and it is expected that a minimum of 90% of the fund’s assets will be invested in mid to large cap companies under normal market conditions.

Considering the current bear state of the Nigerian stock market, now would be a good time to do some bottom fishing and pick out some bargains to place money in. Unless you are in that line of business and are able to do this bottom fishing yourself, Afrinvest’s new equity fund would be a good proxy to start with.

Unfortunately their site appears to be down otherwise I would have directed you here for further information. I trust it is a temporary glitch.

In Persuit of Happiness

2008-08-25T23:38:00.000-07:00

While jogging this Saturday morning and thinking deeper thoughts than I usually do, it occurred to me that if I can be grateful to God for being alive and having a good relationship with him and if this is enough for me, then I have every chance of being happy considering all the other blessings that continue to pop up in my life (love, health, family, friends, food, shelter etc.)

that is my deep thinking quota for the month of August

You Gotta Love Lagos (Courtesy NYTimes)

2008-08-18T10:46:00.000-07:00

thanks to Emeka & Chioma Okoye for bringing this to my attention. Lagos is now in the NYTimes... read here

Please let me stay humble

2008-08-12T03:35:00.002-07:00

Monday 11/08/08

Dear God, may I never become an arrogant twat. It’s very easy to become an arrogant twat in Nigeria because there are so so many people who are not as well off as you and it’s easy to stamp all over them. One of the reasons I came back home was to do some good for my country and for some of the people in it. I still have to go back to my company and ask them that apart from us seeking killer strategies to making money, what are we doing about social responsibility. What kind of person will I become if I become so one sided as to only seek to make money and not seek to apply it to do some good? I’ll become a one dimensional arrogant twat that’s what. Thinking that all my good fortune was down to me and then you know the saying about pride and falling…

Things That STILL Amaze Me About Nigeria (please look away if you are squeamish)

2008-08-12T03:35:00.001-07:00

Monday 11/08/08

I am back home from work before 9pm and I feel I am early. Anyway….

Things That Still Amaze Me About Nigeria
I have been back home for 3 months (seems like a lifetime) but some things still amaze me about Nigeria

1. The proliferation of Living Things
You are repeatedly reminded that the land you stand on was once thick jungle and swamp and the creatures that lived here have not quite left, they are only biding their time, asleep in the dark corners of your house – cockroaches (they obvious drink fumigant for tea) from the big daddy kane size to the very little disgusting size (all cockroaches are disgusting, I hate them, no sorry I don’t hate them, they might hear me), mosquitoes, dragonflies as big as a bird (in my bedroom yesterday, just because I opened the door), gnats, ants in my labtop that only leave bcos it gets too hot when I switch it on, tiny flies that appear on my banana skin, horrible looking black little worms under the plate drainer (that one really freaked me out, but nothing that boiling hot water couldn’t cure), little lizards on the walls with their cute lizard droppings, mildew on my very nice suit jacket etc etc etc etc. Just see them as family pets and you won’t run from the house screaming and pulling out your hair just bcos there is a roach in it….

2. Naija Man’s Inhumanity to his fellow Man on the Road
I am constantly amazed about the total total lack of compassion while driving. The will to take the very last last line of attack, the total massacre of the victim who dares indicate or pulls out of his or her lane, the ability of the danfo bus driver to sense the slightest weakness and barge in with his beaten up bus to within millimeters of your fresh paint car, the willingness to test your mettle right right up to the last ounce. Lagos driving is a microcosm of Lagos itself. Take no prisoners, Kick their head in when they are down, rejoice when they are down and out cos tomorrow it could be you so celebrate the downfall of the other guy while you can. kill, dismember and decapitate the victim so that he learns a lesson and next time stays in line…It’s civilization, yes, but the type you see in the Roman Amphitheatre where the gladiators tear each other apart. Look and learn Tsun Tsu…

3. Hermetically Sealed Houses 3 metres away from the Waterfront
The next thing I am amazed and saddened by is our addiction to the airconditioner and our total refusal to smell the fresh sea breeze wafting in. This is especially in my area, Lekki where the water is nearby and the winds are coming in from the Sea so are not polluted by 140m Nigerians. How can you be so fortunate as to live by a lovely breeze blowing off the Sea and instead you choose to spend the night at -12C with frigid recycled air blowing on you all night, and a blanket to warm you up again, not to talk about all the global warming you are contributing to by using all that power and the fact that you first of all l make It really cold and then wrap blanket around you to keep snug – blanket in Nigeria????

4. This is a positive one
Every now and then, I come across a person that is so courteous and so out to ensure you get good service that I am really touched. Perhaps I have read Nigerians wrong, but I find this particularly touching here in Nigeria. I become suspicious and think that it cannot last. I have come across a few people at work that blow me away with their courteous behavior and willingness to be of service. My driver, the guy that looks after my account, the other guy that sorted out my computer issues, their good service was very touching. I salute una. I hope I can be equally as good but I’m not sure, I am learning to fast how to be a true Nigerian and always scheme to get my own way – sad, now that I have seen there is an alternative, maybe I can change…

There may be hope afterall

2008-08-12T03:34:00.001-07:00

Sunday 10/08/08
There may be hope afterall
Just got back from Onitsha, Eastern Nigeria. I went for the wedding of a colleague in Benin yesterday. I went with the family and stopped off in Benin while the driver took them on to Onitsha to spend a week with my parents so that everybody can be relaxed and happy until our household belongings are delivered next week.

By the time the driver got back from Onitsha to meet me at Benin, it was already getting late so we went back to Onitsha to spend the night and travel back to Lagos early this Sunday morning. Now, if you had asked me to tick a number of boxes as to why I wanted to return home, spending more time with my parents and my parents spending more time with their grandchildren would be high up on the list. So the fact that I could send the whole family to be with my parents and liven things up a little for them and get my two year old boy with a lovely smile to go practice hugging his Grandma and Grandpa makes me feel very good inside.

I am back in Lagos now, and it actually feels like home. The weather is fine, I am sitting in the upstairs verandah writing my blog with a cool breeze blowing, eating a sweet banana with groundnut nut and actually feeling quite good and relaxed. Probably the most satisfied feeling I have felt since I came back to Nigeria.

I think there may be hope after all.

Oga Alert!!!

2008-08-12T03:33:00.000-07:00

08/08/08
Please join me and wish my brother a happy Bday today.

Friday evening and I was having a chat with my Oga. We are seeking people with local knowledge and an international outlook and people who have strong financial skills (hard to find people). I had put some CV’s in front of him for us to talk through and the next thing he was asking me was where a particular CV came from. The CV came through a reader of my blog, and before I knew it, the questions went from how I publish on my blog to how do the readers know the blog is there to finally him turning to his computer and saying, OK what’s the blog address!!!!*&£%^@### OH S**T!!!!.

I had never in my wildest dreams thought that my Oga was going to read my blog. Once your Oga reads your blog, he gets to know your inner secrets, thoughts and actions and can catch you unawares with an intimate comment gleaned from a recent reading of your blog. It means I can’t say anything against my company (not that I would of course) otherwise in passing he may just say something along the lines of “oh, I was reading your blog, you never mentioned that to me”.

Hmmmm, well, just to let you all know that you may now have an Oga in your midst as one of your readers. A wolf amongst us. Feel free to impress him with your deep comments on the current state of the market, he just may hire you as the rising new star in our outfit after firing me for gross insubordination. Veeeeeryy interesting.

Going Home

2008-08-12T03:24:00.000-07:00

07/08/08 7.43pm
I am actually writing this on the way home. I told my wife I would be back early. 7.19pm is now early for me.

The road is dark, no street lights. Slow moving traffic on my side and a free road on the other side. Young men selling plantain chips, MTN charge cards and other bits and pieces. Okada drivers weaving through the traffic, roaring past at high speed. Just about missing the car side mirrors. That’s my Lagos.

I think I may be taking a bit of a risk with the bright screen of my lap-top shining in the darkness of the car. I have been told about the smash and grab area boys that operate in slow moving traffic, but it’s a lot more productive use of my time than staring through the window watching the world go by, so I’ll take the risk for the moment.

Money insulates in this country. I would like a big, high up 4x4 with blacked out windows and a big interior that can double as a mobile living room where l can spend the hours I spend on the way home being productive. For the moment I’ll just cradle the lab top in my lap and keep on my guard.

I was asked by my wife before she came over whether I regretted coming over to Nigeria. I compare my life now to the nice comfortable life I had in North London and the answer is not for one moment do I regret coming over. Through being bitten by mosquitoes, living in an empty house with no fridge, working every hour including 7am Saturday morning meetings, leaving the house before the family wakes up and coming home after the kids have gone to bed. No, there are challenging moments but no regrets.

Why? I smell the potential to live the life I want. In the middle of the traffic, I still smell it. The potential is there to craft the life you want. A lot less restrictions than where I was coming from. A lot more potential to build things up. Not perfect, definitely not perfect, but the upside is a lot higher. And that’s what we all want in life, the opportunity to expand our lives as far as we want, without limitation, without restriction.

The State of the Market Vol 3

2008-07-29T23:18:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the comment, keep them coming:

It was believed that the credit crunch could not touch the new engines of growth in the emerging markets including Nigeria. We are no longer sure if this is the case. The contagion is catching.

The recently removed CBN guideline that all banks must operate a December year end has caused inefficiencies in the market. The banks in order to attract funds to shore up their balance sheets had been offering eye popping deposit rates as high as 20%.

Now that the CBN deadline has been moved to 2009, some banks that moved agressively to meet the 2008 deadline are now left with expensive liabilities on their books. How to match these liabilities? Charge high lending rates of course. The cost of money is going up in the market place. It is making it more difficult to source funds for development and entrepreneural growth which is what the country needs to keep things powering along.

We were aware that inflation was creeping up but as far as I understand, this was because of the oil money taps being turned on at the state level. We will now all pay for our greed and consumption mentality.

In a recent meeting, someone mentioned that the NSE index has fallen by 22% since February. In my books, that is a route. A lot of companies are pulling back from their earlier planned stock placements. With the inability to come to the public markets and the difficulty in raising institutional debt funding, a lot of business are going to go through a liquidity crunch. Not good. The general public who have been on a stock market explosion induced binge are going to curb their consumption which will also impact the economy. Not to talk about all the issuing houses and banks left with a nasty stock overhang of stocks that are refusing to be taken up by the market.

Deals are still being done, $180m deal here, $140m deal there. $40m deal in the middle. Mostly real estate. Can such valuations continue to be supported in our currently shaky markets. Can we continue to sell our $1.5m apartments in Ikoyi? Time will tell...

CHAPTER 2 - MY FAMILY IS BACK!!!!

2008-07-28T23:10:00.000-07:00

Good morning my pipol,
thanks for the comments, keep them coming. A little laughter in the morning works wonders for the whole day.

Deep into Chapter 2
MY FAMILY IS BACK!!!!!
Oh yes, last week, I was in the UK tidying up, completing the rental of the house, saying hello once again to my family after being away for three months and preparing them for their return to Naija. E don happen oh!!! They have all now been shipped back to leafy VGC (well, very leafy compared to the rest of Lagos) and ensconded in our house with the big gen.

By the way, installation of the gen cost me £400 and after buying diesel worth £50 to test the gen, I was told that my diesel didn't even move the meter from zero so I had better go and buy some more diesel befittting my new status as a big gen owner. Obviously the gen is going to cost more than a second wife...

Anyway, where was I before being distracted by my gen (A Nigerian should sing a song going "you remind me of my gen"). Anyway, the family is home, we have lined up assessment tests with Corona Lekki, Greensprings and Meadowhall, all very proper schools befitting the Lekki catchement area, where my madam can quickly fit into the Lekki Wifes Association via introductory references from very proper 4x4 driving from parents at the school (we don't have a 4x4 yet, we hope they will still accept us), we are seeking membership of VGC Club and I am still doing my 5am morning wake to leave the house 5.45am and be at work for 7am.

At least, let the family be happy, and then I can seek my own happiness...

CHAPTER 2

2008-07-16T03:59:00.003-07:00

Today, I moved out of my cousins house in Lekki and into our new (rented of course) house in VGC. I think VGC is good for those coming directly from abroad. There’s a park, a nice Kentucky type chicken restaurant, a very nice (so I hear) VGC Club with swimming pool and gym, clean roads for walking, strolling or jogging and similar butter looking families (looking like they have either just come from abroad or would not blink an eyelid if you say you have just come from there as they go every summer and a number of times out of summer) .

I hear power supply is a lot better in VGC. Water supply is constant via metered water from a treatment plant. Unfortunately there is no power today, so I am writing this by the light of my new fluorescent rechargeable lamp that I bought today at Game in The Palms.

My bank has assured me that I am at a level where I deserve to have my generator bought by them, although considering the size they are proposing, all my salary will now go on buying diesel to feed the thing. I think I’ll get myself a nice quiet and efficient inverter to add to my budding private power plant (makes you feel like a South American drug warlord). Between the super gen, the efficient inverter and my new fluorescent rechargeable lamp, I should soon be able to sell power back to the national grid and single handedly show the way forward towards power supply for all Nigerians (yeah yeah yeah)

But, we are making progress…

COSTS

2008-07-16T03:59:00.001-07:00

Considering I am in the process of spending lots of money, the following price list should give you an idea of costs to date

Shipping (20ft container load of belongings UK to Lagos) £3,600
Accomodation (2yrs upfront +10%legal + 10% agent fees + retainer) £23,431
Garden for kids (and me) £209
Air conditioners (£230 each x6 +installation) £1200
Beds (local carpenter, £54 each x3) £162
Matrasses £162
Cooker £628

TOTAL to date £30,000

We have not yet included;
up-front school fees for school
Driver
House Help
Diesel
Inverter

Coming home is no longer just a decision of the heart, it is now also a decision of the wallet. It all adds up, no be small…

Top 80 Trends of 2008

2008-07-08T11:08:00.000-07:00

Top 80 Trends of 2008

I wish I could find a magazine that did an article on each and every entry on the list…
Please note no. 1 and no. 49

http://adsoftheworld.com/blog/ivan/2007/dec/28/jwts_list_of_80_things_to_watch_in_2008

Free for all...

2008-07-08T10:29:00.000-07:00

The market place is hotting up. All kinds of players, from the US hotshot bulge banks, to the European funding banks, from the boutique players to the local big boys from the Chinese to the Indians and everybody in between, we are all scrambling for Alpha in the Nigerian market. While the going is good, let's all have a party. When the party is over, will the last one to leave please turn the light off...

I Feel Like Crying Because…- Sun 29th June 10.40pm

2008-06-30T06:56:00.009-07:00

1. There is no power, I am writing this by the light of the labtop
2. Not just is there no power, but the generator is on the blink. It turns itself off after 30minutes
3. It is hot. The windows are open but I am still sweating
4. My pet mosquitos are gearing up
5. I feel like I am in Apocalypse Now
6. I was working all weekend. When I wasn’t working, I was thinking about work
7. Its Sunday night, and I thought I would spend it reading up on more work but I can’t cos of no light
8. I am lonely
9. My family is missing me. My 7 yr old daughter is now at the point of crying for her daddy
10. My family is flying out in 3 weeks and there is no generator, cooker or airconditioning in the new house
11. I wanted to live a nice easy life in Abuja not Lagos and I didn’t want to work for a bank because they want your soul, but I’m now working in Lagos with a bank that wants to eat me for dinner

To console myself and stop myself from crying I shall repeat the following to myself
1. God is in control
2. No condition is permanent (as found on the back of tipper trucks)
3. It shall be well
4. The massive kids road block party going on since afternoon till now in a massive house up the road with massive bouncy castles and Lekki yummie mummies in attendance and all kinds of exotic cars parked on both sides of the road is the kind of party I shall be going to with my kids and missus once I have settled in (I hope)

The Rise of the Banks - Sat 28th June

2008-06-30T06:56:00.008-07:00

The banks are rising. There is a movement from the public sector to the private sector. As people come to realize what a bad job the government has done managing our economy, there is asset relocation to the private sector. Guess who are the gate keepers to the private sector, the banks. All 24 of them. They are the new power brokers, the new inner caucus. They whisper in the ears of the politicians, the politicians that want to make sure they are still popularists. The politicians that must ensure they win the votes to stay alive. The banks tell them how to invest their money, how to build roads, schools, bridges. How to pander to the masses so that they can stay in power. They whisper “Public Private Partnerships”. “Let us manage the economy for you”,”We can deliver, you cannot”. The politicians nod their heads. “What do we want with the troubles of delivering electricity, roads, water, schools and retail parks”.Just give us a cut of the revenues, and all these things are yours”. The banks nod their heads wisely and rub their hands as they consider the 140 million Nigerians who will beg to pay for regular water for regular power for anything that is regular and efficient.

I was at a presentation on Friday. I was shown a new payment system that can be embedded in any environment that is payment based – taxes, custom revenues, retail collections, car tax discs, water rates etc etc etc. It was fantastic. I am told that Lagos State Government tax collections have quadrupled in a little over a year because of this new payment system. Instantaneous global rollout. Very low cost. But the impact is enormous. Payment is via the banks with an instantaneous check at any site to confirm that payment has been made. You pay your money, you collect your service. The powers that be will not allow their livelihood disappear without a fight. Nigeria is not known as one of the most corrupt countries in the world for nothing. The sums involved are huge and are not to be relinquished lightly. Think about it, no physical cash payment means no graft, no grey areas to hide, no cash exchanging hands for favors that circumvent the system. Nigeria is being dragged kicking and screaming into the harsh glare of the modern world of technology. Binary code knows no grey area. Either it is yes or no, and not “if you deliver this we can do that, God no go vex”. We pray that these new forces of change win and sweep away our corrupt ways of old.

‘Get out of jail on Friday’ card - Fri 27th June

2008-06-30T06:56:00.007-07:00

Thank God for the weekend!!!As I was leaving, my colleague showed me a meeting letter agreed for Sunday before 12 midday. I explained to him that if they are going to sack me, they may as well do it now, but my Sunday’s are for God and my family and not for work. No competition. He subsequently backed off and I subsequently went home to go and enjoy my weekend.

I have just come over to Lagos over the past couple of months and I didn’t know where to go to let off steam on a Friday evening. Abeg, if you know a nice place to go, nice food, nice people, nice entertainment, please let me know, so I can go let off steam after a week to die for.

My Vision

2008-06-30T06:56:00.005-07:00

I am the Head of Principal Investments at XCapital, the Investment Banking arm of XBank, a premier bank that covers the West African markets. My remit covers Private Equity, Real Estate, Infrastructure, Commodities and any other area we choose to invest the bank’s capital. Our specialisations include Real Estate and Private Equity investing in Oil and Gas, Telecommunications and Fast Moving Consumer Goods. Projects targeted at the emerging middle class.

We are results driven with a focus on generating out-performance returns on behalf of ourselves and our investment partners. We are constantly seeking intelligent, curious and focused people to join us. Our edge is derived from our excellent people, our due diligence and our attitude to risk. We value an atmosphere where all opinions are listened to and encouraged and we focus on putting our clients first before profit. We are disciplined in that we focus on what we do best and turn away deals that may be lucrative but do not enhance our core competencies. Growth is organic. We focus on what we know and move into new territories where we believe we have the opportunity to be No.1 in the market place.

Because of our competence, the best deals come to us before they go to our competitors. Those we don’t run with, we advice those involved on how to improve their offers, whether they are returning to us or going elsewhere.

We are very successful in what we do, generating year on year returns in our few years of existence in excess of a 30% ROE employed. Our investments consist of 60% recurring income and 40% generated from one-off or new deals. It is these high volatility one-off or new deals that generate the out-performance. Risks are managed at every level both at the portfolio level but also at the individual deal level. Where new deals are particularly profitable, we also seek to bring them into our stable of core competencies where they are structured to reduce risk and generate recurring revenue rather than simply one-off profits.

SWEAT - Fri 27/06/08

2008-06-30T06:56:00.004-07:00

Yes, I am working every hour that God gives, I am getting back ache from tensing my muscles from the stress brought about by the workload, but I am also learning something new every day. I am involved in oil and gas deals, real estate deals, manufacturing company deals, health sector deals, money collection deals and any other kind of deal that makes money.

You call it, I am in it. I go to General Meetings in the middle of Lagos, where I sit across the table from business owners who have poured their lives into their businesses and are about to lose everything because of poor management. I sit across the table from smooth operators who are fortuous enough to be adept at making money. I sit across from Commissioners who have a totally different view as to how to make money. I am sweating it, but every week, I know a little more than the week before.

I am gradually learning how to do business in Nigeria. I am learning (gradually) what makes up a good deal. I am learning that if I am going to a meeting and the rain is falling, I better give myself two hrs to get there instead of one. I am learning that I can’t tear myself apart to resolve people’s problems. I am here to make money, not run a charitable organization. If I had wanted to run a charitable organisation, I would have gone and got a job with a NGO.

I am going to crack this. I am going to have this beast running like a well oiled money making machine. I am going to having things running so smoothly that I will be taking off to play golf on a Wednesday afternoon with important people, while I make money for every golf swing I take. I am going to sweat some more but it is going to happen.

Home to see my folks - Sat 21/06/08

2008-06-30T06:56:00.003-07:00

After lots of lobbying, my Oga finally allowed me to take the Friday off to go see my parents in Onitsha, East Nigeria. He had initially tried to get me take a half day on Friday, work the morning and then get a flight by midday. They were all in shock horror as I suggested that I wanted to use an ABC Luxury Bus to travel to Onitsha instead.”It is not done”, they said. “You have to fly”. Taking a bus was supposedly beneath me, a man of my new standing. Snobbish people. Flying would require a trip to Ikeja airport, waiting for a plane which is often delayed or cancelled, a flight to Enugu, then another one and half hour road trip either directly from the airport for which the airport taxi will rub his hands in glee at the extortionate fare he would charge me to travel to Onitsha or from the airport taking a taxi to the Enugu car park to take another 1 ½ trip to Onitsha. At least with the bus, I get on the bus in Lagos and got off at Onitsha where I am met by my parents to take me home. Simple. The bus won.

I’m now having a nice relaxing weekend in Onitsha with my parents and with the time to take a step away from my 7 to 7 high pressured job that gives me no time to think. I love it but I won’t do it forever. We went out Saturday morning to greet an uncle and had a visit from another guy (a Justice, but about my age, try that in the UK!). He had come back from the US in 2001 so knew where I was coming from. It was very nice having a relaxing Saturday morning jist, away from the pressures of work. My mum has since taken me round town, to see the new Stock Exchange building put in place by Soludo/Gov Peter Obi and the Anglican Cathedral complex. It’s great being back at home with my parents. It’s great being pampered. It’s one more reason why I had made my mind to come home. The happiness on their faces can’t be bought with money.

Fela and the state of the nation

2008-06-30T06:56:00.002-07:00

I was listening to real authentic Fela put on by my driver on the way back home from the office in the evening. Beast of No Nation, Yellow Fever (you dey bleach oh you dey bleach) and other songs. It brought back memories of my earlier University days in Lagos when I had no clue how to chat up ladies and life was simple (apart from learning the right way to chat up ladies) but it also made me wonder whether things have changed since then. Fela was complaining that there was no light, no water, no food and some 20 years later (goodness, that long?) have things really changed?

Lagos, (I can’t speak for Nigeria but I can definitely speak for Lagos) is a two tier system. Look out of the window as you drive past; the vulcanizer, the fruit seller, the petrol pump attendant, the guy selling MTN top up cards, the guys walking with their plastic bags of food and jerry cans of water to the building site. I’m not sure if things have changed for them over the past 20 years.

It’s others like me in their air-conditioned cars, driving past on the way from their air conditioned offices to their air-conditioned mansions, blasting out diesel fumes from our generators, buying TM Llewyn shirts at the air conditioned shopping centres, maybe things have changed for the better for us.. But again, perhaps things have not changed. Nigeria has always been a two tier society. I have just moved to the other side of the divide. Hopefully there are more opportunities for more people that will make crossing to the other side of the divide less onerous than it was in the past. But still, from what I have seen, the rich still get richer but maybe the poor also have a bit more of a chance.

Stock Market Treatise II

2008-06-30T06:56:00.000-07:00

Following unconfirmed speculations of CBN/SEC directive for the suspension of Margin Facility (Lending by banks to stockbrokers for the purchase of stocks) last quarter, the Nigeria Stock Exchange had instructed CSCS to suspend the opening of new Joint Accounts (the Joint Accounts warehoused both the stocks purchased and the collateral buffer) thus crippling the dynamics of the Margin Facility. This was supposedly predicated on the notion that most Banks were concentrating their lending portfolio to the Capital Market to the detriment of the real sector of the economy thus stifling economic growth and pushing the unsustainable bullish run of the market.

Subsequently, Banks reduced lending to the stockbrokers and some actually called in their facilities. This immediately led to price diminution experienced over the last quarter with the bears taking over the market. There were several meetings between the market operators and regulators with even the Senate Committee on the Capital Market headed by Senator Ganiyu Solomon looking into the allegations and consequently, it was discovered that there was no justification for the continued embargo as borrowing has always been a traditional source of funding for the Capital Market worldwide.

Consequently, the CBN Governor, last week cleared the air that they did not at any time oppose Bank's funding of Capital Market activities and that the aggregate lending by Banks to the sector had not reached the point of concern to the CBN. This statement had been preceded by SEC's, also denying any directive on this. Thus, based on the above, the CSCS advised the lifting of the suspension on the operation of the Joint Account though changing the terminology to Custody Account instead of Margin Accounts and promising to further strengthen the procedure
We expect a further statement by the Nigeria Stock Exchange this week as there were still ambiguities as to the operations of the accounts as the attached letter was particular as to "Stockbroking firms". We need to clarify if the lifting of the suspension also affects tripartite accounts - Bank/Stockbroker/Client.

A sit stands, Banks can now open new Joint Custody Accounts with Stockbrokers and we should see some resurgence in share prices as banks resume lending to the brokers. However, we still need to exercise some caution as there is a possibility that there would still be constriction in the market as we approach the new December 2008 Financial Year End for all Banks.
Further caution should also be exercised as the brokers also have a deadline of December 2008 to racapitalise to a minimum of N1 billion.

The little mosquito bedtime reading story

2008-06-18T01:18:00.000-07:00

I have a mosquito net above my bed. A few holes but it keeps me and my pet mosquitoes separate at night. However, about once every two weeks when the moon is full, my pet mosquitoes gain a superhuman intelligence probably brought on by a Draculan sleeping super gene that enables them methodically search out one of the little holes (or some other means of entry that will probably only be captured by one of those night vision, slow speed cameras you see on the nature programmes “low voice: and here they come, in single file, the forward guard, communicating to the rank and file by the use of mosquitoish wing movements, very complex, highly intelligent” but I digress...

that enables them methodically search out one of the little holes in my net and gain access one after the other from whence they latch on to my prostrate sleeping body and have themselves a feast as they shiver in ecstasy on my body (nasty)
Fortunately for me, unfortunately for them, the super gene shuts off early morning and they being all fat and lazy on my blood just sit there inside the net digesting my blood slowly "hmmmm, this is some sweet blood, yeah he must have just arrived from somewhere else, I haven't tasted blood this sweet since my days in Nam". Anyway, I wake up after a poor night’s sleep and hey, there are about 6 fat mosquitoes inside my net with me. Now it is my turn. Again remember the shark feeding frenzy from the nature programmes. Please turn away if you are squeamish but by the time I have finished, there is fresh blood mixed with mashed up little mosquito bodies all over my hands, niiiiice Revenge can be sweet afterall

OKADA MADNESS

2008-06-18T00:31:00.000-07:00

OKADA MADNESS

Coming out of my house in Lekki Phase 1 this morning about 7.55am (it should have been 7.45am to beat internal Lekki 1 traffic, but hey I was late). As the car in front of us turned to enter a side road on the left in front of us, my peripheral vision caught this Okada motorcycle driver plus passenger come careening past us trying to get past the driver in front of us even though the driver had already almost turned into the side road. The Okada driver at this stage managed at speed to get past the driver but while doing so he lost the balance on his motorcycle.

He managed to drive at speed past the driver turning in and he managed to stay on a straight-ish path, he then careened at speed off another car in-front of us and he and his passenger took off in slo-mo into the air over the car bonnet to land on the tarmac in front. Unfortunately it was the driver of the Okada and not the passenger that had the helmet on. As is the way, the driver of the car that was taking a corner got out and was apologising to the passenger while the Okada driver was picking himself off the floor and pretending to limp to garner support (maybe he had actually broken his leg in four places but I don’t think people were particularly concerned with him after his display of Evil Kenevel motorcycle driving). It was immediately brought to you how cheap life can be in Nigerian.

I need a picture of an Okada motorcycle driver to back up this post. Camera out...

I'M BACK (I'm back, you know it, I'm back!!!)

2008-06-17T23:47:00.000-07:00

1. I am heartened, by the responses I have received on my blog. Thank you for your comments, at one point, I thought I was all alone (aaahhhh), but I know I am not.

2. I apologise for not maintaining regular updates. I have been working flat out to come to grips with my work portfolio. Attimes I felt overwhelmed, my comfort zone was receding into the distance, but it has come back into sight (albeit very far away, "come back, comfort zone, I do love you, and I'm sorry I ran away").

3. I don't have to always write long eulogies, waxing lyrical about Nigeria, my Nigeria. Sometimes I will write a few words, other times I will write a treatise on the state of the Nigerian Stock Market, it will depend on my workload at the time, but I will from now on, try to always write. There will be diamonds in the mud of my writing (I'm so modest)

4. There are opportunities here (come to think of it, there are opportunities everywhere). I will attempt to give you insight into to these opportunities (without breaching any client confidentiality of course)while writing about the Nollywood Nigerian movie environment that is Nigeria (but we love it)

5. This blog can actually help me with my business!. More on that as we go along.

6. I'M BACK (on with the show, for whoever is left, you will be rewarded in heaven for your dilligence)

Nigerian Insurance Stocks

2008-06-06T10:51:00.000-07:00

thanks for the comments guys, please keep them coming...
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Nigerian Insurance Stocks
Nigerian insurance stocks are currently the flavour of the month. They have taken over from bank shares which have shown explosive growth over the past few years. Insurance stocks may not be as explosive but may offer equally if not more attractive long term gains.
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Considering the very low market penetration of insurance in Nigeria (sub sectors include motor, fire, general accident, oil and gas, marine and aviation and life). Add to this, the growth in credit financing and mortgages and the need to insure life as part of credit risk mitigation and government policies leading to the taking up of various kinds of insurance, you begin to see that there is a lot of upside potential for insurance and premium growth. Add to this, the poor state of asset management of the traditional (government) insurance operators and the potential for asset management improvement and attendant asset value growth where new and savvy private sector owners take over and you begin to see a strong potential growth picture for insurance stocks.
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Hence you have a sector that is supported by two strong fundamentals, potential core insurance business growth generating greater premium cashflow and potential asset value growth. Both are dependent on new management stepping into traditional stodgy boardrooms and shaking things up.
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There is some risk in that insurance has shown historical under-penetration in Nigeria and there is no guarantee that new management will step into the shoes of old, but overall the return profiles definitely outweigh the risks.
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Renaissance Capital has just published an Insurance research report and buy recommendations were placed on the following insurance stocks;
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AIICO
Continental Re
Standard Alliance
Intercontinental WAPIC

The state of the (Nigerian) stock market

2008-06-05T02:07:00.000-07:00

Nigerians are used to 100% annual returns from the stock market and 300-400% returns from new issue stocks. With the stock market currently be-calmed with stocks at best not falling in value, Nigerians are seeing a different side to the market and they don’t like it.

We are definitely not in a bear market, but at present, the Nigerian red-hot stockmarket has cooled. Any market is always going to go through cyclical phases of hot and not so hot and the rhyme and reason is most likely unknown, but here is a theory I have picked up while talking to in-house colleagues.

The CBN, worried about the amount of margin trading going on (lending to buy stocks) have put restrictions on the banks as to how much they could lend out. An example is a friend who approached me a few months ago with a bank offer to borrow to buy stocks with a 25% bank loan. Obviously not a good idea considering how the stock market has performed recently. A lot of the non deposit taking financial institutions such as stock broking firms were also borrowing heavily to invest in the stock market. In addition to this, the banks year end by which time books have to balanced has been moved en-mass to the end of December. The net effect of this is a considerable withdrawal of liquidity from the stock market to meet CBN directives on margin trading and also we are starting to see the banks starting early to shore up their balance sheets towards year end. Hence the fall in stock values.

My colleague further posited the theory that the way to play the capital markets at present was to rotate out of stocks and into interest bearing securities e.g. fixed term deposits that would mature just after year end. Banks are looking for capital to shore up their balance sheets for the year end and will be willing to pay high rates of interest (circa 17%+) to gain this capital. Conversely, the stock market is set to splutter at least through the year end. After the December year end, banks will offload their balance sheets hence increased liquidity. A lot of this cash will find its way back into the stock market which will take off, trying to catch up for lost time.

A nice arbitrage play there for you.

A tale of two cities (or worlds in this case)

2008-06-04T08:17:00.000-07:00

A tale of two cities

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I am going to tell you a tale of two cities that will boggle your mind

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Story number one
They say that a picture is equal to a thousand words. As such, here is your picture taken from a main road on the mainland (Ikorodu Road). Nigeria is not all about the island, whatever I put in my blog. This is the real Lagos.

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Story number two
Last Sunday, I went with my people to a kid’s party. Lekki kid’s parties are a bit more than just kid’s parties. Outside suyya joint (bbq peppered beef), two bouncy castles, one large kid's train set, very nice food, loads of drink etc etc etc.

Anyway, after the event we were on our way home feeling merry, not noticing the bumps in the Lekki road below us and WHAT DO I SEE COMING TOWARS ME??? I thought I was hallucinating but I had only had one beer. Do you watch MTV? hip hop? do you notice the new drop top Rolls Royce in black with the thick metal window frame, well what did I see coming towards me, yes one of those. The Phantom Menace. I couldn’t believe it. This car costs as much as a prime Lekki detached house and here is this guy tooling around on a pot-holled Lekki road as if he was in Monaco or somewhere. Not that he probably feels the road on that kind of suspension but even then??? I couldn’t stop laughing, it was such a sight. Silly money. The kind of money that says “wait, I haven’t finished speaking”. I must say, I was impressed.

So there you have it, an extreme case of the haves and the have nots.

Guess the informal economy business

2008-06-04T07:52:00.000-07:00

Here is a game for you. The Nigerian economy has a very strong informal side. No tax, no questions please, God no go vex.

To educate you on the Nigerian informal economy please take a look at the picture of the underside of a tree in the business district of VI. How many informal (black market) economic activities can you write down in 5 minutes. Answers below...

1. Motorcycle taxi riders - the dreaded Okada

2. Seller of bootleg cassettes, DVD's and other media of doubtful authenticity and even more doubtful resolution

3. The umbrella houses a mini telecoms re-selling industry of MTN, Cellnet, Glo and other mobile phone re-charge (pay-as-you-go) cards

4. The shack at the back is a mini boutique selling the latest in trendy shirts and bags for the man or lady office worker who has to keep up with the latest fashion

5. The ladies at the back by the wall are preparing sale of lunch from their coolers for hungry lower to mid level office workers

6. Of course you did not miss the orange seller (oranges on the tray)

There you go, you are now an expert on the Nigerian informal economy (yipee)

We are here to make money!!!

2008-06-04T07:36:00.001-07:00

Good afternoon my pipol,
I have been away for a while, walking the streets of Gidi, taking the pulse of the nation (not quite true but it sounds good). Unfortunately, I have been away working my a**e off. Working every hour God has given me in the day plus some I borrow from the night. I'm becoming too one dimensional, I know there is more to life than work, that is one of the reasons I swore I wouldn't join a bank, cos I don't want to sell my soul, I'd quite like to retain ownership of it, thank you very much.

When we go to meetings, my Oga tells all and sundry that he's there to make MONEY. They look at him in awe and wonderment. I like my Oga, I also look at him in awe and wonderment, but my Oga likes money more than me. If there is a stand-off between me and money, money will win hands down. I will be clobbered. It is a sobering fact and it makes me work.

The time will come when, my area is running like a well oiled money making machine, but until then, I have to get under that machine and do all the dirty oily work to get that machine running sweet. Hence, in a battle between me tending to my machine and me tending to my blog, the survival instinct takes over. The machine must win. My consolation is that I used to run from banks because I was fed up with being a cog in the machine, but now I get to run the machine myself.

My machine generates money, I take my cut, we are all happy.

A day in the life...

2008-05-30T10:12:00.001-07:00

Please forgive me, I am not loosing my va-va-voom. Rather, I'm getting into the swing of things and not as dumb struck as I used to be (in only 4 weeks). It's probably a good thing as one doesn't want to remain a JJC (Johnny Just Come) forever.

That plus my 7-7, 9-11 work hours are gradually stripping my natural bon-homie, but hey I have to fight the powers (not quite the right context) and retain that air of childlikeness where I take pictures of chickens on the street as art while the locals look at me and calculate whether it is worth taking the camera off me or just charging me for taking pictures of their chickens.

But, I do have something newsworthy to report

I DROVE ON THE STREETS OF LAGOS TODAY!!!

Yes, I was given a gleaming new car to tool around Lagos in today. I took that baby out and put my foot down. Not only that, I jostled with Eko taxi drivers who had been in the business of stripping paint from new cars for the past 25 years and I came out with my paint job intact. It was a battle out there. We were taking no prisoners. No allowance. My heart was pumping but I got to Lekki saw the estate agent I came to see, and powered back to VI all the way through 1hr of traffic. (crawling, not powering).

I feel ever so slightly more independent now. But as my bank people are yet to approve my lump sum payment for the two years rent in advance, and hence not having a home to park in, I am forced to drive back to the bank premises, park the car and walk back to my office...

A bit of humour

2008-05-30T10:12:00.000-07:00

Some comments I have come across over the past week

The guy fixing our window blinds after they kept falling off due to us opening the window
"They did not use their calculative reasoning"
He was referring to the people that built our building and didn't place the windows in the right way. He may also have been referring to us for opening our windows so that the wind would blow the blinds off

Clinton's Aide (so I'm told)
politicians are like diapers, they need to be changed on a regular basis.
I thought this was quite apt and would go as far as to add "or they become full of s**t"
He probably couldn't say that as he was probably on day-time tv

JP Morgan Nigerian banking report

2008-05-30T09:55:00.001-07:00

You can find all 155 pages of the JP Morgan Nigerian Banking Report here at stockmarketnigeria.com. Thanks to Newton for posting it.

There is a summary of the report by Reuters here

Settling In...

2008-05-28T06:20:00.000-07:00

I am sorry ooohhh!!!

I know I have an obligation to all my readers to keep you all updated on goings and comings on the ground as they happen. (By the way, I'm really learning to love Nigerian English where you treat English as if it is a ball of pounded yam to be yanked and moulded not by the hand but by the mouth). Anyway, sorry for not writing anything since Friday (imagine!).

I think what is happening is that I am settling in (shock horror)! In only three weeks and counting I am morphing slowly into a son of the shoil. I am starting to talk in a more rugged tone, stopping the use of please and thank you, pushing my way into the lift before ladies (no, only joking, I haven't yet totally morphed) and grunting at the driver to get a move on. Terrible. Where are my English manners?

Alongside this, my honeymoon period at work is shortly due to end. Not yet, but I can see it coming back from the future. We are a bank. We generate money. Generate money or else, your big Oyibo salary will be called into question!!! Under such pressures, writing blogs pales into less significance (not insignificance, of course not). One is having to prove oneself, learn about the job and learn all kinds of new ways of doing things all at the same time. Meaning that I'm in at 7.15am, out at 7.15pm, having lunch while at my desk reading more stuff and doing further reading from 9-11pm. I have to turn myself into a money making machine, pronto!

But, my consolation is that I'M LOVIN IT

I left my bank to go for a walk (imagine!)

2008-05-23T06:15:00.000-07:00

Every now and then, especially after eating a heavy lunch, I like to take a walk. I've been doing this since I was working in the UK. I can't spend all day at a desk. Now I am in Lagos, a walk is a bit more like taking your life into your own hands. And then you have the sun which means you have to hop from shade to shade or you start to sweat profusely.

Today, I forgot to wear an inner vest, so by the time I got back to the office, there were patches of sweat on my shirt. Not very nice, but sweating is something we all do. My colleague was looking at me as if I had just fallen from the sky. "Where are you coming from she said"? "I went for a walk" I said. "To where"? Obviously, you can't just go for a walk, you must be coming from somewhere, or going somewhere. Walking aimlessly is just not done. A banker might get run over by the crazy motorcycle taxis or get his blackberry politely taken off him.

Even getting into the building with my sweat marks proved a problem. "Sorry, Oga, who are you looking for"? "I work here now". "Oga, sorry, I no realise sey na you" I was obviously looking like somebody who had just walked off the street. I'm sure I'll wake up one night screaming after a nightmare where I can no longer get into my bank because I am sweating profusely after a walk round the block "BUT IT'S ME!!!" I scream. "Let me in to my airconditioned bank, don't leave me here on the street in the real world of Nigeria. I wont be able to cope!" "Oga, stop screaming or we will bundle you, we no no you Oga, Oga bye bye (foolish man)"...

The Lagos Real Estate Boom

2008-05-22T23:30:00.001-07:00

My background most recently has been commercial real estate. So the stuff is close to my heart. I love it. It gives me goose pimples. Lagos is experiencing a real estate boom of Russian Oligarch sized proportions. I can put it no other way. I keep hearing similar outlandish sized stories of outlandish returns. I'm not sure I should reveal this or you'll all come with your £ and $ and add to this gold rush, but that's one of the reasons I started this blog so...

I recently heard the one about LNG Nigeria Staff Co-operative buying reclaimable land (water) behind Nicon Town in Lekki. I believe the price was N4m per plot (£16k, $32k). Those with the means bought more than one plot. Some months later, 9mths I believe after sand-filling the land, there is a requirement for an additional payment of N5m to pay for infrastructure. Some are now selling to reap profits. Sale price is N11m. 2.5x your initial investment in 9mths for mid level staff in a company.

I went to see a luxury flat while house hunting the other day. Lekki Phase 1, two yachts for the use of residents, plus an assorted plethora of motor bikes, water scooters, kids motorised cars etc also for the use of the residents. Water backing property with a beautiful view of the sea (or the lagoon). $70k per annum / £3,000 per mth, 3 years in advance. 5 already gone, only one left. I am sure the plot of land was not bought based on an appraisal of a $70k per annum rent. By the way, the guy/owner had a magnificent penthouse of two knocked through apartments at the top, with telescope for the view, lovely decor etc, boy, I could have been in Miami.

I went on a client visit to see a developer yesterday. Very very un-assuming guy, by the time he had rolled out their vision for me, the prices that commercial office space they were just finishing rennovating was going for, the prices that the serviced apartments on top were going for, his pipeline of deals and the opportunities in the market place (he also mentioned that construction costs were now at 3 times what is paid in Dubai due to the boom) my head was reeling. His very words in relation to this particular development, "cash cow".

I have come across at least 3 $300m+ deals in the 3weeks I have been here. Some we are involved in, some others are involved in. The hotel business is booming. If you haven't been to Lagos and you come back in a years time, you won't believe your eyes at the new high-end developments that would have emerged out of nowhere.

Trust me, it's all going down (not in a bust sense but in a boom sense).

10 Reasons Why I love Nigeria

2008-05-22T23:30:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the comments guys, keep them coming, keep them coming...

10 Reasons Why I love Nigeria

Before I go into the topic at hand, please a minutes silence for all Chelsea supporters. I feel your pain. As for Man U., you, played with flair, congratulations.

Nigeria loves evangelical pastors, who love to create plans that will make your live better. 10 ways to do this, 30 ways to do that. In the same vein, as follows I now present to you Munachi Okoye’s 10 Reasons why he loves Nigeria

I love Nigeria because...

1. This is my country. I can do anything in it (within reason). The sky and not a glass ceiling, is my limit. I look around me, I see people doing things you only dream of doing in another man’s land. My good friend has coined a phrase for it, “Self Actualisation”.

2. I am an Oga in my land (see my earlier blog about aspirations of being a new breed BIG MAN). They open doors for me, they drive me around, pick me up for work, drop me home at the end of the day, they bring me tea in the morning and they take away my plates after a hearty meal at night. I tip them for these minor comforts (UK sized tips) so everyone is happy.

3. There is a can-do spirit sweeping across the land. Everyday, I meet entrepreneurs, people who are out there on a mission to make things happen. People already making things happen. People with vision. It is infectious, it makes you feel that you can also make things happen, which of course you can.

4. As much as the power supply is intermittent and the water supply sometimes coughs and splutters, all this can be dealt with as long as one has the means.

5. Labour costs are low. We went to a hair salon and six members of staff were braiding one ladies hair. The guy I am staying with has a personal trainer that comes in the morning to give him a boxing workout. As I had pointed out in an earlier blog, my colleague and her partner got a spa, massage, facials, manicure and pedicure for all of 4hrs for the princely sum of the equivalent of £50 / $100. You can employ a live in child carer for each of your children and not feel it, you can have a driver, cook and gardener and not feel it. Just make sure you have a big boy's quarters.

6. Ahhheeemmmm...

Now I see why some pastors get paid so much. It is not easy to come up with 10 catchy phrases on this subject.

Don’t get me wrong. I also love the UK. I have spent half of my life there. I am not here to knock the place. I love the sense of freedom there. Freedom of expression, freedom to come and go, the sense of security and the civilized nature of the place. But right now, while I am still young and not ready to retire to a life of civility and afternoon teas, Nigeria is the place for me to make it big at twice the speed of sound. Nigeria is the wild wild west, but I am the Sundance Kid, so it’s ok.

I wish I could only say nice things about Nigeria, but...

2008-05-21T09:39:00.000-07:00

Traffic & Power Unlimited

That is the name of my new consultancy. I am here to solve all the traffic and power troubles in the Nation. If I can do this, then my name will be remembered forever in this country.

Traffic
The traffic issue is not as serious, not on my home – work route anyway, Lekki – VI. On a Sunday morning, Lekki – VI is probably 15 minutes. On a working day, Wake up 6am, in the car by 6.45am, in the office by 7.10am, 25 minutes door to door. Not bad at all. After work, leave the office at 7.15pm, back in the house by 8pm. 45 minutes door to door. Not too bad at all. As I said, traffic on my route is not bad. Now, Ikeja – VI is another issue. I don’t run this route but I believe it is about 1 1/2hrs or 2hrs on a bad day. The Lekki Road widening scheme is moving forward and immediate traffic has eased somewhat in my area. Unfortunately, I am reliably informed that if you live beyond the second Lekki roundabout further away from the CBD of VI in estates that include VGC and Northern Foreshore going back home at the end of the day can take anything up to 2hrs and leaving in the morning is either a pre 6am job or a 2hr commute.

Power
Legal Disclaimer: If you are still undecided about coming home, please turn away right now and go and make a sandwich, we’ll call you back when we are done.

I have been in Nigeria 2 weeks +. In these two weeks and counting, power supply has been a failure of magnanimous proportions. I am sorry to say this but power supply has been terrible. I leave the house at 6.45am, no light, I come home at 8pm no light. Generator in the morning, generator at night and nothing in between. The lack of power has knocked the water supply as we are now told that there is no power to power the pumps to pump up the water. Maybe they are just trying to copy NEPA.

Our dear President, if there is only one thing you are remembered for after completing your term/s please let it be that you are remembered as the President that brought un-interrupted power supply to this Nation.

Falomo Bridge at Midday

2008-05-21T09:20:00.001-07:00

Rushed off my feet

2008-05-21T09:20:00.000-07:00

Things are moving at a ferocious pace, my workload has blossomed like an Ebola virus on speed, I have stacks of files to read and the only way I'll get to read them is by reading them when I get back home at 8pm, I go out at lunchtimes to look at property I can live in, my car is coming any day now and I have nowhere to park it, but...God is in control.

I have a plan which involves writing stuff and putting on here so the timelines may be out but it's still all interesting stuff, so here's one I wrote earlier...enjoy

Abeg, make I jist you about the 50th I went to over the weekend
Saturday, and I had two social events lined up for the evening. A bbq for my cousin’s wife in the afternoon and a 50th birthday celebration scheduled for the evening.

The BBQ was nice and laid back, bbq chicken, light food, drinks and chat, nothing too heavy to get in the way of my expected feasting later in the evening. I came with a friend and by the time we left, it was already 7pm. The evening event had a start time of 6pm, but hey, this is Nigeria and I didn’t expect things to kick off till at least 9.

Rushed back to the house to change from light bbq wear to heavy 50th party wear. Fine shirt, fine suit, fine shoes. I was ready for this 50th in Lekki with the thought that anyone who was having a party after 50yrs on this earth must have amassed enough wealth to drown us in food, drink and good time. My friend hadn’t planned on taking me to the second event but as my escorts had abandoned me for not reporting on time and I needed to be at this 50th, I begged and pleaded and coerced him to drop me off at the event. We negotiated past the guards at the gated estate and I blagged my way past the guest list which I was surprisingly not on, considering it was the brother of the host who invited me. Anyway once we got into the estate, you could hear the music blaring from down the road (if you were a neighbour, you either join in the party or go off for the weekend). Anyway, my friend was in a hurry to get home before it got too late so he dropped me off and I strode in...

Goodness...
I was over-dressed in just a suit and a shirt. I had been expecting ball gowns and fine traditional wear but everyone was in scruffy looking t-shirts and the like, looking like they were passing through on the way to see the new plot of land they had just bought for N100m. People were sweating profusely as they danced to Yauuuuu and other such highlife songs. I couldn’t believe how different it was to what I had expected. I got in the house and asked for some brandy and was passed an un-opened case of Remy Martin VSOP Red Label to go and sort out, then I asked for some food to line my stomach and was directed round the corner of the house where the lady with her food coolers (no fancy trays, but food coolers) told me that there was only Ukwa (a very local food) left. Well I had to line my stomach as you recall I had not eaten much all day in expectation of this event so there I was with my ukwa washed down with expensive brandy surrounded by profusely sweating dancers and tables full of MUMM and Moet&Chandon Champagne and Remy Martin bottles littered everywhere as if they were bottles of beer. Veerrryyy interesting. A good night none the less...

Anatomy of a BIG MAN

2008-05-19T05:20:00.000-07:00

Images are of The Palms Shopping Centre, Lekki

Thanks very much for the comments guys and keep them coming, lets get a nice big user group going. Also, for every comment, the commentator gets a new Range Rover Sport courtesy of Range Rover (or is it TATA Motors of India, I'm not sure). Your car is on the high seas, please be patient...

Thank you very much for your comment on big men in Naija. It's an interesting comparism, but unfortunately not true. Just for you my reader, and any other non-Nigerian reader (any Naija person that asks such a question should be ashamed of demsef) here is the definition of a Nigerian Big Man (read, accompanied by Fela music)

A Nigerian BIG MAN, is one who due to his prowess in collecting money by all and any means (political,, importing & exporting, unknown business (ahem), 419, real estate, oil and gas, construction or otherwise) has gained not just the financial muscle but also the political clout and the ability to weld it like a club to steamroll over any other common man who is not equally as big. Common men also include the police, customs, his tenants, pedestrians who dare to enter the path of his big car or any other such commoners. The big man title actually came about from the girth of the man's kneck and his belly brought about by consuming copious amounts of beer, meat and other rich foods as he started to realise he could buy whatever he chose.

An addendum to the above, is that as Nigeria is now an emerging economy (goodness knows what it was before this phase), we now have the new emerging phase of Big Manism. We (as I am aspiring to belong to this group) are the new breed of big man. Working in the nouveau legitimate businesses of Oil and Gaz and banking or entrepreneurship or having made our money from the booming stock market or the emerging real estate bubble we drive Range Rover Sports, ML 65 AMG's and other similar hot vehicles (you can see why I aspire to this group). We now go the gym regularly so have trim figures as opposed to the bloated figures of old, and we take leisurely strolls in The Palms Shopping Centre holding the hands of our wifes (not various concubines like the BIG MEN of old, (this bit I'll have to go back and confirm, please bear with me).

So henceforth, if anyone asks you what a big man is, you will be able to answer with clarity and forthrightness - Amen.

My new ATM Card! and maybe I've found a house!

2008-05-16T10:46:00.000-07:00

Fantastic, I just received my new ATM card, delivered to my desk. I've gone downstairs to the ATM machine and changed the pin to the same number I have in the UK. I now have an international roaming pin and don't have to carry about wads of cash. I feel very chuffed (pleased for non UK residents) ATM's are relatively new by the way. Before that, it was wads of cash all the way!.

I feel even more chuffed because before I left the UK, I was hearing stories about how the demand for rental properties in Lagos had caused rents to go through the roof and how some people were waiting for a year for a place. I saw a place earlier in the week which I didn't like and was told that If I didn't take it, I would see how long it would take for me to find somewhere else.

I went out at lunchtime, with an agent and was shown two places within my budget (perhaps my budget is just so high so less demand). One of the places I really like. So am really chuffed (pleased) about finding somewhere. Left is the small matter of persuading my bank to forward me two years worth of rent in one big lump to pay for the thing.

A Nigerian (working) day in the life of...

2008-05-16T04:50:00.000-07:00

I’m tired.

I’ve been doing these 7am-7pm work hrs all week, along with trying to juggle finding a new house, finding new kid’s school and settling into my new job all at once. But, the weekend is coming up so I will be able to rest. I have a 50th birthday party and a 20something bbq both tomorrow so I am looking forward to some eating and drinking.

I have spent 10 working days in Nigeria today. Not bad. I am still alive. It already feels like I have been here a couple of interesting months. I must be starting to settle in by now.

Work Yesterday
A letter came into our office yesterday from one of the companies we had invested in, sent by their debt financers to state that as the company had not honoured its interest payments, they were going to foreclose on the company unless the company paid up all the principal and outstanding interest (similar to the kind of letter you get if you don't keep up with your council tax (UK property tax) but a bit more money involved. With the letter, attached the company in question had asked that an emergency board meeting be called to discuss what to do next. How exciting for me, this now fell under my remit and I was chosen to go and represent our bank at this fun meeting.

Said company is an oooold school company in the heart of the real Lagos (we are talking Apapa Ajegunle Alaba/Orile for those in the know). So I carried myself with driver to the middle of old Alaba/Orile to go and sit down with mature people that I had to show some respect to while explaining to them that their financial management wasn’t up to scratch and no, we (the bank) are not an open purse to dip a hand in for more money whenever the last money finishes and that some financial discipline was required for us to ensure that this project doesn’t go belly up (obviously my bonus was swinging on this).

I think they got the message, and after further discussions about the additional truck loads of money they needed before starting to generate huge profits from day 1 we all became firm friends and left smiling (after I had thrown in of course that our equity stake would of course rise to take into account the truckloads of cash they were asking for – no free lunch as they say).

Have a great weekend everybody. My new tradition is not to blog over the wkend, (I can't help it, no access to the internet in my house), but I will seek to take some nice pictures of whatever I can lay my camera lense on.

Good Times before business

2008-05-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

For those who tuned into this blog for its economic and investment focused analysis, please bear with me as there are a few more matters to settle about the good times to be had in Nigeria/Lagos/Island/Lekki (God please let me get a place on the Island and not on the mainland) - please forgive me if you live on the mainland, what can I say?

More good times as follows

1. I was asking my colleague about which beaches are good. Suprised? People tend to forget that Lagos has a beachy shoreline. Lekki Beach, Alako Beach, Bar Beach of old and other beaches you can drive to far out of Lagos, where they are less agressive and will not steal your possessions if you dare turn your back and where you can have a nice relaxing time. Lekki itself is about 10minutes from a beach as the vulture flies.

2. I was supposed to go and see Iron Man last Sunday. Surprised? Nu Metro showing was 5.30pm and 8pm, I didn't have a showing time for Silverbird and as it was past 5.30pm I had to pass as I had work the next day and had to go home to iron my shirts before they took light (only joking)

3. Quite a number of restaurants to choose from including that Brazilian one where they serve you meat untill you keel over

4. My colleague (who as you can gather by now updates me on how to live well) told me that she and her fiance spent 4 hrs in a very nice spa getting a manicure, pedicure, facial, massage and steam (I don't know who got what) all for N12,000, the equivalent of £45.

There you go, the wonder that is Lagos (oops, sorry the Island)

I retract my earlier statement (under duress)

2008-05-15T08:52:00.000-07:00

Na wa oh! Kata kata don burst!!!

My nearest and dearest was put off by my rant about NEPA (see earlier posting). I have been warned that if I want to see her step even one toe in my beloved Naija, I better go and find betta betta news to report (talk about artistic freedom, this is blackmail of the highest order).

I had a discussion with my work colleagues across from me in my bank, and it turns out that my situation was of a particular nature, as the owner of the house I was staying in was away in the US, the generator was running at the level of the... (how do I put this), the level of the average man, or average driver, or house help. In other words, the helps in the house were given strict instructions to turn the gen. off at a certain time, hence me stewing at night (ah ah, didn't they know I was coming?).

Soooooo...

my banking colleagues have re-assured me that...

1. they regularly run their gens all night if need be
2. they have big 250kv running gens and small night time running gens to run fans and fridges
3. they have fans that you pour in water that gets cold and generates a cool breeezzze at night
4. that there are new solar panels that automatically switch over when the mains power goes off

and so on

Obviously, my thinking was still stuck in the days of my youth when we had no other choices other than to grin and bare it. I apologise for this confusion. Apparently, I am now one of those ogas that suffocates the poor people with my very own diesel fumes. I am reliably informed that I have the means, (didn't I know?) and when you have the means in this country you are able to solve all the problems of the common man and more. Apparently, I am no longer a common man.

No NEPA!

2008-05-14T04:36:00.000-07:00

At the forefront of everyones minds when you ask them about coming home to Nigeria is the power problem. No NEPA. Hot sweltering nights with no tv, mosquitos flying around lazily in the heat and taking their time to enjoy your blood (when there is power the aircon freezes them to death), generators beating in the background and giving you head ache while you have half waking half asleep lurid dreams caused by suffocation by diesel fumes.

I would like to tell you some amazing piece of news about how the new Independent Power Plants are generating more power than we have ever had in our lives. I would like to tell you that the days of our youth, candles, lamps etc are all gone. I would like to tell you that in all those years, we have solved our problem. I would even like to tell you that our $60B oil reserve was used in its entirety to solve the problem with only 50kobo change (what happened to the kobo by the way?)

NO!!!!!!
For the past week, no light, from night till morning and back again, days on end and weekends included with a few hours of weak current. Off and on and off again. Electrical equipment destroying light. Light so weak, you feel that you are having harmattan in your house and can hardly see. Light that is no better than no light. And even worse, light so weak that there is no point cooking soup as it will spoil the following day!!! That unfortunately is how it has been for the past week. I would have liked to say otherwise but that would have been lying to you my reader. My only relief is that I am at work every day so just experience it in the evenings/nights. You may wonder, ah ah he is a banker now, can't he afford diesel, but how much diesel can you put into a generator to run it all day and all night 24/7. Am I sitting on an oil well??? or is gas flaring going on in my back yard to power my gas powered generator?

I do hear that some of our big men get drums of diesel as part of their perks. Maybe that is why the thing doesn't work. Big men paid off by big drums of diesel to run their huge generators all day and all night and kill the rest of us with diesel fumes.

You start to appreciate small blessings like a cold bucket bath after a hot night, just like when I was a boy preparing for school.

Pictures

2008-05-13T02:28:00.001-07:00

Picture to the left is before a rainstorm in Lekki (a little artistic expression never hurt anyone)

Picture below is of MeadowHall School in Lekki

Schools...

2008-05-13T01:58:00.001-07:00

Things have been a bit hectic. The workload is starting to build up, I'm getting into the swing of finding a place to live and the hunt for "The'' Right School is now officially on. There is a new Corona School opening in Lekki this September. Those of you in the know will know that Corona is a school with history where a lot of illustrious movers and shakers started their young lives. From what I heard, as soon as the registration forms were released, mothers of Lekki were sending their drivers in their 4x4's to go and queue from 4am at the Ikoyi head office to collect a form for their darling young ones.

That scrum must have died down as when we showed up this morning at 7.45am it was nice and quiet and I was able to pick up a couple of forms for my own darling young ones. There was a single posh speaking mum who quickly pointed out that as her kids were in another branch of Corona, she should be given special dispensation in getting into the new Corona. Not to be out-done, I started asking questions about what they could do for darling young ones still enschoned in the UK but soon to return all fresh faced with Britiko accents. That mellowed her and her posh tones out a bit and she started to smile as in ''ok, he is one of us''.

Also went to Meadow Hall which could do with some trees as I don't want the Nigerian sun blasting the heads of my young ones fresh out of the UK where they put sun block on their pretty faces against the weak England sun. Nigerian sun is like a Tsunami compared to a swimming pool wave of the English sun. We tried to get to Green Springs but turned back when we had been driving for 30 minutes with no school in site. I was told that it was a nice school so we'll go back this lunchtime. Will also go to see Imperial Gate and Pine Fields in Lekki today. I want to pack all this in before work builds up as I'm told 5am finishes are not unheard of. I'll post some pictures a bit later in the day...

I've survived week one!

2008-05-12T09:43:00.000-07:00

Written on Monday 12/05/08

Greetings all,
My apologies in the delay in putting the start of the week’s blog up yesterday. This was due to the long long time to load up photographs. Maybe my photographs are massive in which case I’ll go back and read the manual . Anyway, let’s continue…

I was told - ''You haven't worked in Nigeria???? They will kill you, they will eat you alive, you can't do it!". Well here I am, and at least I have survived the first week, with my Hawes and Curtis shirts shining and my blackberry intact (take my word for it, a blackberry shows that you have arrived, in certain circles that is).

Anyway, moving swiftly on, I was in the office today at 7.07am! That's Nigeria banking hours for you. I have never ever been in any office that early in my life and I wasn't even the first one in. I had left my VI hotel on Friday after they told me it would cost N300 to iron each item of my clothes and I quickly realised that either I would be shelling our extravagant sums of money on ironing and food (circa N2000 per hotel dinner) or I had better move quickly to the more relaxed, free food environment of family. Family are great, however distant, in Nigeria you will always find someone to welcome you with open arms.

So my time in Lekki started Friday evening. I had booked an agent for Saturday 10am and was calling the agent by 9.30am to find out if we were still on. This is following on from confirmation on Friday that he would be there on time. Come Sat morning, the agent had switched off his phone and I haven't heard from him since. Did get shown around by another agent abt 1pm. Off we went to see a ground floor flat in a nice estate called Treasure Gardens. This fully serviced ground floor flat was on at the minor sum of N3.5m. I repeat, it was on the ground floor so I would be first on the menu for any hungry robbers in the night and you still pay for the electricity and N350,000 per annum for service charge. Don't get me wrong, the estate was very nice - see picture below, but 3.5 is slightly over my budget considering that I would rather save up over time to buy a place than pay all that cash to some happy landlord...

Pictures above are as follows

1. The N3.5m flat in Treasure Gardens
2. Another nice picture of the estate

Flat Hunting

2008-05-09T05:37:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, I'm going to go and see some flats. This should be exciting.

I've already been asked if I am seeking a serviced apartment or an unserviced appartment. The serviced appartment is quoted at circa N3.5m per annum which equates to circa 14,000 pounds. Please bear in mind that it's two years up-front thank you very much. The serviced appartment will provide you with 24/7 electricity (theoretically) and water (I believe) and a general very nice ambience which you can enjoy with your fellow monied crew of expats, oil people, new money and one or two despots to add colour.

The non serviced appartment is quoted at a figure of circa N2.5m+ per annum which equates to about 10,000 pounds a year (again, two years in advance thank you very much, and no money back guarantees either). The un-serviced appartment comes supplied with the government electricity company (NEPA) fluctuating power supply that destroys your electrical goods unless you have a buffer, trickles of water in the bathroom and goodness knows what else. Sorry I was just pulling your leg - probably not that bad as this is still Lekki after all, but you get the picture.

Mmmmmm which to go for, which to go for, can't decide. Just a mere 4,000 pounds difference between the bliss of constant light and the non-bliss of my son screaming when his power-rangers video goes off for no reason. I think I'll go for the un-serviced. I am in investment after-all and I can smell some over-pricing going on. How much is a generator after all (famous last words before saying "if only...). Maybe I can magic the additional 4,000 pounds to come out of the sea.

As an aside, Nigeria's per capita income in Nigeria is about 1100 pounds ($2200 2007 est) per annum. Is it the same country we are living in...?

The sensitive matter of food in the office

2008-05-09T05:21:00.000-07:00

Yep, we all gotta eat. Picture the scene - you are in England. You are used to eating a sandwich for lunch. It's healthy, you don't feel like a pig afterwards and you can get through the rest of the day without falling asleep at your desk.

Picture this...
I'm in my office in Naija (Nigeria for the non-Nigerians). You no longer go hunting for food as you used to do. Down the steps, across the road, wait a bit, collect the food, back up the steps and voila you've built up an appetite after being at your desk all morning. Oh no, here you phone your order through and they bring the food all the way to you. And this is not a sandwich we are talking about. Fully fledged meals of rice, chicken, plantain etc washed down with big cartons of juice. I've already put on a couple of pounds in a week. What will happend to me over a few years. My neck will stretch to twice it's width and so will my belly.

I must find a way to smuggle in my sandwiches. And when my colleagues see me and start laughing at me with derision at least I know I'll have the last laugh when my neck does not grow big. They already look at me unbelievably when I jog up those 8 flights of steps rather than taking the lift...

As an aside, I'm impressed at the level of knowledge my colleagues have. Because a lot of the capital markets stuff is all new, there's not yet a depth of experience and hence there's no division of labour. You get mid level people who have taken companies to the market, who are heading stock broking divisions, who are advising firms on corporate finance strategy, who have been involved in real estate investments from start to finish. I'm supposed to be leading them - gulp. In the west, especially in London, there is so much availability of talent that you are compartmentalised into a speciality and have no clue how to take the whole thing from start to finish. No such over-availability of talent here. By the way, we need a fund account...

p.s. Thanks for the comments guys, keep them coming...

Progress...

2008-05-08T06:38:00.000-07:00

Ohhhhhh

I'm filling in my blog from work - In Nigeria! I'm also feeling perkier today compared to the last few days. I've arranged to go and view properties in Lekki over the weekend, I've got in touch with a few friends and my work colleague has invited me over for lunch at his place over the wkend.

I just came back from a lunchtime walk. Walking around most parts of Lagos is an adventure. You have to make way for the motorcycle taxis (Okada's), the mad drivers who honk their horns as if they are playing music and try to see how many pedestrians they can knock down and all the others who's mantra is "a fool and his mobile phone are soon parted" not to mention the sun beating down on your head. But, hey, if I had wanted to stay in an air-conditioned office all day, I shouldn't have left London (not in summer anyway).

I have a lovely view of the sea from my office so on that note - lets have some photographs (beating drums, dancing girls, blog rocks and rolls) p.s.I don't yet know how to attach pictures directly into the text so the pictures are in a seperate posting below.

First picture is the view from my office in Victoria Island
Second, third and fourth picture are of carnival day at the fee paying school my in-laws children attend in Ikeja-I can't quite remember the name, I think it's Avi-Day or something like that. It's in Ikeja GRA near Grange School. The ladies in black and white stripes are the parent/teacher organisers. I did tell you it was a vibrant school...

Pictures at last...

2008-05-08T06:06:00.000-07:00

Day 4 in Nigeria

2008-05-06T14:55:00.000-07:00

Good grief,
that was a long time away in the life of a blog. I apologise for the delay to all my many readers. I was under a lot of pressure tying up loose ends before leaving and have just now found a computer (I'm now in Lagos) with internet access that I can use.

Anyway, I'll catch up as follows...

Friday night
After a hectic few days, I flew out of London on the 10.30pm Virgin Atlantic flight bound for Lagos arrival time Saturday 5.30am. The flight was fine. I was opportuned to have a Premium Economy ticket which is VA's business class so went through priority check-in and had a nice wide seat. The inflight entertainment was abandoned in preference of some much needed shut-eye. My mind was churning...

Saturday 5.30am!!!
NIGERIAAAAA
Good grief. The flight went so fast I could have been somewhere in Europe on a nice vacation. Murtala Mohammed Airport was very straightforward. No problems with passport or luggage or anything to declare or "wetin u carry" of the good old days. Rather civilised old chap and a good day to you too. Or maybe it was just too early. It was great to see my in-law strolling up to meet me. It's always great seeing your people at any airport I suppose. Lagos had not changed one jot(on the outside anyway)

As an aside, Its time I started putting up some pictures. As they say "a picture tells a thousand words..."

I settled in a bit and on the same afternoon I came in, I went with my cousin in-law to the kids carnival/bazaar at their (private) school. It was very vibrant and full of life. My kids would love the school but coming from England, I would probably be seeking something a bit more restrained. I saw at least two friends from the past so that was nice. We discussed the merits of coming home or staying in Nigeria.

Sunday
went to The Palms shopping centre in Lekki. I was blown away. Really. I could have been in Brent Cross with a Tescos in it. I was overwhelmed cos I was wondering how we would navigate the markets to buy meat and vegetables and what not. But this was something else. Rows and rows of fruit juices, fresh meat counters, patisseries, DIY tools and every model of jeep parked outside. Wow I was blown away. Lekki is the yuppy part of Lagos by the way.

Monday
First day at work. If there was no work, it would be nice but then you would get bored. I was really excited about the type of work but the hours are long. The people are cool and my boss is cool but the hours are long.

Tuesday
It's 11.16pm and I am staying in a hotel. I've been put up for a month courtesy of my bank. We went to two hotels before this one. Both fully booked. The proprietor (from The Lebanon) said it is all going down in Lagos and he expects to be fully booked till the end of the year. Lagos is booming! Things are happening over-night. Everybody wants it all and wants it now.

As an aside, I'm working on Private Equity, Real Estate, Oil and Gas and anything else that has an equity component (bank investing their own money). You can probably read between the lines and see that I'm a bit overwhelmed. New country, new job, new ways of transacting business, new accomodation, new shools for the kids, new cars and working from 8am-7pm. It will all come together with time, but as for now I am overwhelmed and I miss my family who are back in London. Anyway, as I always say "God is in control". I'm off to bed - Good night.

3 days and counting

2008-04-30T13:57:00.000-07:00

I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Today was my last day at work. I worked with a great bunch of people for just over 2 years (some of who will probably be reading this blog) but it was still a great feeling to walk out that door and into my new life.

Rather like when one was in school after finishing your last exam and you felt like you had just been set free from prison. Now I can concentrate fully on getting myself ready for the move. Fly out Friday night, come into Lagos Saturday morning, start work Monday morning.

My new people asked when I am coming in, so I asked them if they are sending a limo to pick me up - they probably don't know if I am serious or joking. They are probably thinking that these people from abroad are more trouble than they are worth.

On a more serious note, we have had our North London flat on the market now for 3 months with about 1 viewing a month. Not good at all. I've been well and truly bitten by the credit crunch monster. We'll probably have to put the flat back to rent. Not good considering that I put in a new kitchen and extended the lease so am carrying considerable debt on the property.

The money would have been useful for buying my way into Nigerian high-society but it's probably better that the money stays invested rather than spending it to buy my way into Nigerian high society. We'll just have to cut our coat and take things gradually.

Skiing down a mountain...

2008-04-27T15:30:00.000-07:00

Recently for my 40th birthday present, I went skiing for the first time, along with my brother who had already been a number of times.

Part of this skiing experience was lessons with a very nice but firm Austrian ski instructor. After 4 days of gruelling ski lessons (which I thoroughly enjoyed) and dropping from a group of 10 of us to just 2, our ski instructor decided we were ready to ski down the mountain.

Ski lift up and at the top of the mountain I looked down and my heart leapt into my mouth. Don't forget that by this stage I was physically and mentally exausted. I wanted to give up but you can't ski back up a mountain.

It became a case of not looking at the loooong loooong slope down but rather just looking at my ski instructor and copying everything that she did. She wiggled her toe, I wiggled my toe (apart from when I was coming down on my bum). I hadn't been so scared since I was a kid.

The moral of the story is that I didn't look at the slope, which would have overwhelmed me. I looked at what I could focus on and do - copy my ski instructor. I have never been so scared for a long long time but I got down in the end (and staggered to the bar for a brandy) and after that I was skiing reds and even a black.

I find myself in the same position once again as I try not to look at the enormity of the task involved in transporting myself and my family to Nigeria and setting up our new life. But as we say in Nigeria, "God dey".

6 Days to go...

2008-04-25T08:54:00.001-07:00

Friday evening and I am a bit tired. A lot of box ticking required in getting ready to move across. I have a dinner this evening in a Nigerian restaurant with a lot of the guys I have been close with while in the UK. Unfortunately, no ladies at this dinner tonight. A boy's night out.

Yesterday evening, I went for this really good CPD Seminar on negotiation held by Gary Oakley of INS Limited. I really got into it and was intrigued with the psychology involved in negotiation.

He mentioned some points such as;

1) when negotiating, we are rarely aspirational enough. You should always pitch your entry level as high as you can make it as long as you have a credible reason why it should be so high.

2) Invoice clients based on value provided rather than on cost

3) Your walk-away figure should not be at break-even but rather at the point where it equals the best alternative.

Really good stuff. It gave me food for thought to use going forward in my negotiations...

Why Nnobi House?

2008-04-24T01:23:00.000-07:00

Why Nnobi House?
I was born in London years and years ago. With time, we moved out of London to Essex and my dad missing Nigeria, decided to name our new house in Essex after his village, Nnobi. Hence an outpost of Nnobi appeared in the middle of Essex.

We returned to Nigeria when I was 8 and I never forgot our house, Nnobi House or my time in England. I came back to the UK after University seeking further opportunity and now that I have been in the UK for quite a number of years, it is time for me to return home and give something back to my society.

This journey home is the subject of this blog. My return from Nnobi House in the UK to Nnobi, where they have been looking for me for a long time to pay my dues for the building of the church roof and pay for my wife in her village…

About Munachi Okoye
Munachi Okoye has a first degree in Architecture from The University of Lagos, Nigeria and a Masters degree in International Securities, Investment and Banking from The University of Reading, UK.

He has worked in London in Investment Banking, structuring debt derivative products for clients before transferring his skills to Real Estate to work with some of the biggest and most prominent land owners and property developers in the UK. His background in Investment Banking and Real Estate provide him with an in-depth perspective on how to exploit value focused opportunities in Real Estate and associated asset classes.

He is returning to Nigeria as an Investment Banker to invest these skills in the local economy to the benefit of himself, the bank and the local economy (that’s the idea anyway).

Naija Jobs

2008-04-24T01:17:00.000-07:00

I came across this site this morning although I believe I had seen it before. It gives you an idea of the entry to mid level jobs available. Look further down towards the right

http://najiajobs.blogspot.com/

e-mails

2008-04-23T06:59:00.000-07:00

This is an idea of the emails I am currently sending

Sent: 23 April 2008 14:43
Dear all,

For those who have not heard, the time has come for me to pack my things, pick up my blackberry and go forth and expand my empire into the emerging markets of Nigeria/Africa.

To celebrate my leaving next Wednesday, please join me for drinks at a very nice posh pub (found thanks to Pavlina) called the xxx (it is does have a pub in it, honest) for next Tuesday evening the 29th from 5pm or thereabouts. It’s at xxx which is the road just before the Novotel heading towards xxx .

In addition…
I’d just like to say that I’ve really enjoyed working with all of you, you are a great bunch of professional people and I wish you all the best in whatever your choice of endeavour (if that doesn’t bring you over, nothing will…)

Chris

Sent: 23 April 2008 14:51
Chris,

I doubt if your blackberry will work in Nigeria though.

Nice one. I will be there by the Grace.

Regards

Sent: 23 April 2008 15:03

My brother,

I took the thing in to a phone shop to get it unlocked and the guy told me that of all the phones, he had never heard of anyone being able to unlock blackberry. Ah ah!, when I was in Nigeria in September, I didn’t take my blackberry, thinking that they would steal the thing on the same day I come in, I now go with the people I am staying with to pick up their little boy from school (Grange in Ikeja) and look at all the mummies pulling up in their 4x4’s with their blackberries glued to their ears while I was walking round with a kpako phone. After that every time I wanted to take a call I would cover my kpako phone with the whole palm of my hand and start to make excuses that it wasn’t my phone…

Look forward to seeing you man

Credit Crunch or "Can't sell the house"

2008-04-22T14:28:00.000-07:00

When the whole liquidity/credit crunch thing got underway, it was interesting to observe things from a distance and toy with the idea of going to pick up cheap US property.

I now find myself with a London property on the market for sale and no buyers. No liquidity, no mortgages, no buyers = my property not selling. Who would have thought that the credit crunch would travel all the way to London and come and bite me on the backside. There you go. Not location, location, location but now liquidity, liquidity, liquidity. The equity from the property would have been useful to set up in Nigeria.

However the good side of the story is that I'll go in counting my pennies and whenever the property is sold, I'll be in a much better informed position to make a wise investment.

10 days and counting

2008-04-22T14:04:00.000-07:00

I thought I was going to use this blog to talk about really worthy and interesting stuff. But I can't think of any really worthy and interesting stuff so maybe if I blog about everyday life as I prepare to go, it may all add up to something really worthy and interesting. So I am going to blog about my last days in London before flying out to Nigeria. I'm leaving next Friday, the 2nd of May 2008. Me first and then the family once I get things sorted out.

I met up with my dear coz today for lunch at Wagamamas on Wigmore Street, off Oxford Street. By the way, check out this restaurant called Ayoush, 58 James, London, they do North African food - www.ayoush.com. I had seen it before but had forgotten where it was. I'll see if I can take my other half there before I leave.

Anyway, I digress...

I was telling my coz how I was going to Nigeria to be an investment banker, and how my remit was to invest the bank's money in anything that moves and how this would be a great experience to gain insight into what drives the economy and how as much as we were aware of the issues around water, power, security and traffic problems that Nigeria was still the better place to be. We both got really excited and got a bit giddy. It's easy to romantizise things while in good old London but I'm sure that when you are in the thick of things in Lagos, it will be a different kettle of fish.

But, only positive thoughts...

I think I'm in a bit of mourning period for my 17 years in London drawing to a close. We've had a love / hate relationship, (love in summer, hate in winter).

Schools for the Children

2008-04-20T04:54:00.001-07:00

Having done our research on the web (Nigerian schools, please take yourselves on line so that those of us coming in from abroad can get to know you in advance) and talked to a number of people, we have been told of some good schools including;

1. MeadowHall
2. Pine Field
3. Corona
4. St Saviours

School will depend on where one finds a house as you one does not want to spend an hr+ travelling from home to school to work in Lagos.

Where to live?

2008-04-18T01:37:00.000-07:00

We currently live in a nice leafy suburb in North London. We aim to keep the house when we move over to Lagos, let it out and go and let in Lagos for a while before seeking to buy or build.

I am informed that a rental in a nice part of Lagos on the Island is going to cost from N2.5M - N4.5M per annum / £10.5k - £17k / $21k - $33k / £900 - £1,400 per mth depending on where (how far you have to travel to the CBD), whether serviced (water and power) and how big (flat, semi-detached duplex or detached house).

It is quite impressive that Lagos rents are matching London rents and I wonder how expensive Lagos now is on a cost-of-living index.

Just checked the figures for 2007.
London is in the No.2 position, just after Moscow. Lagos is at No.37 from No.31 last year. 2008 will probably show Lagos moving up as a costly city. You can see the figures here:

http://www.mercer.com/referencecontent.jhtml?idContent=1095320

I am also informed that you have to pay 2 years in advance compared to the 1-2 mths advance you pay in London. Interesting...

Heading Home

2008-04-16T05:22:00.001-07:00

I currently work for Network Rail Infrastructure Limited as an Investment Manager here in London. I handed in my notice a couple of weeks ago having taken up an offer to work for the Investment Banking arm of a Nigerian Bank. This is the chronicle of the journey back to Nigeria and the diamonds of investment wisdom that I will hopefully uncover and reveal to you on my journey to success as an investment banker in Nigeria.

I am sure a number of you have read this post by Godson Offoaro, but for those who haven't it's as good as any an introduction to my blog and the reason why so many of us are heading home!

http://www.africanevents.com/Essay-GOffoaro-101ThingsToNigeria.htm