How to get a good driver

Your Island Driver

Dear all, in this short space of time, I am already on my second driver, and although under no circumstances do I believe I can call myself an expert at interviewing drivers, I do believe I have an observative mind and can provide you the reader with a road map to avoid the pitfalls in taking on a driver who will add to your already existing Lagos stress. Please read and remember. You have been warned. Here goes;

1) Drivers, just like any other profession come in all shapes, sizes, shades, levels, emotional persuasions, levels of scruffiness or tie and suit wearing dressiness etc. I prefer a driver who has a happy heart rather than one who you cannot read what is going on behind a bland exterior or one who has a face like thunder when you see them in the morning(you may have a psychotic mad man driving you around, be warned)

2) Only employ a driver who knows the area around where you live and work and can drive the backstreets. You need someone who can get you past traffic hotspots in 10 minutes rather than 2 hrs (I talk from experience)

3) Your driver will always say that he has driven in your area for the past 10 years and can drive blind folded. Do not believe him. He has probably driven through your area once in 10 years and knows it less better than you who has just come. Warn him that if he is lying you will sack him on the spot. That should get the truth out of him.

4) You do not want a driver that drives like a little girl (sorry all the little girls who are good drivers out there). I had a driver that everyone would pass on the road, who would run to the other lane when anyone cut in and who other drivers used to horn before overtaking in a cloud of dust. I told him he drove like a woman and he went on to almost hit someone trying to prove he could weave through traffic the way Mohammed Ali weaves in the boxing ring. That was the last day he drove me. He was psychotic and I was more afraid of him than he was of me. Not a good thing to have with a driver.

5) You do want a humble driver who is grateful for employment. Do not get a driver who believes he is doing you a favour by taking your measerly N30k (average Island driver price). My last driver felt I should share my salary 50/50 with him as it was obviously more in my interest than his to stay with me. He benchmarked me against what oil companies and banks pay their corporate drivers and I was found wanting. We unfortunately parted ways and I hear he is now sitting around dreaming of the big time. He wanted to come round and see my family but he could be equally psychotic and I don’t want anything more to do with him.

6) Do not employ a driver that does not provide standard drive etiquette. Carry out the bag test. I was testing a driver to see if he would take my ruck sack from my back and carry it for me. He walked in front of me to my car as if he was the Oga and I was the driver. He had asked me earlier what car I drive to be sure I would fit into his corporate driving image. He obviously did not get the job.
7) You need a driver that is tough enough not to be fazed by the “wetin you carry, show us your particulars” police, the Lagos “Last Chance” LASTMA, and assorted armed robbers, area boys and other folk that would like to seperate you from your money and your phone and that you have to steer past or run over on your daily commute to and from home. Do not worry, choose your driver well and he will be your look out while you sleep in the back seat of your car. These assorted folk add variety and spice to your Lagos life anyway, so do not knock them.

8) Finally, the most important thing is to employ someone with a good heart who will not let you down in your time of need

Take care and good luck.