Things That STILL Amaze Me About Nigeria (please look away if you are squeamish)

Monday 11/08/08

I am back home from work before 9pm and I feel I am early. Anyway….

Things That Still Amaze Me About Nigeria
I have been back home for 3 months (seems like a lifetime) but some things still amaze me about Nigeria

1. The proliferation of Living Things
You are repeatedly reminded that the land you stand on was once thick jungle and swamp and the creatures that lived here have not quite left, they are only biding their time, asleep in the dark corners of your house – cockroaches (they obvious drink fumigant for tea) from the big daddy kane size to the very little disgusting size (all cockroaches are disgusting, I hate them, no sorry I don’t hate them, they might hear me), mosquitoes, dragonflies as big as a bird (in my bedroom yesterday, just because I opened the door), gnats, ants in my labtop that only leave bcos it gets too hot when I switch it on, tiny flies that appear on my banana skin, horrible looking black little worms under the plate drainer (that one really freaked me out, but nothing that boiling hot water couldn’t cure), little lizards on the walls with their cute lizard droppings, mildew on my very nice suit jacket etc etc etc etc. Just see them as family pets and you won’t run from the house screaming and pulling out your hair just bcos there is a roach in it….

2. Naija Man’s Inhumanity to his fellow Man on the Road
I am constantly amazed about the total total lack of compassion while driving. The will to take the very last last line of attack, the total massacre of the victim who dares indicate or pulls out of his or her lane, the ability of the danfo bus driver to sense the slightest weakness and barge in with his beaten up bus to within millimeters of your fresh paint car, the willingness to test your mettle right right up to the last ounce. Lagos driving is a microcosm of Lagos itself. Take no prisoners, Kick their head in when they are down, rejoice when they are down and out cos tomorrow it could be you so celebrate the downfall of the other guy while you can. kill, dismember and decapitate the victim so that he learns a lesson and next time stays in line…It’s civilization, yes, but the type you see in the Roman Amphitheatre where the gladiators tear each other apart. Look and learn Tsun Tsu…


3. Hermetically Sealed Houses 3 metres away from the Waterfront
The next thing I am amazed and saddened by is our addiction to the airconditioner and our total refusal to smell the fresh sea breeze wafting in. This is especially in my area, Lekki where the water is nearby and the winds are coming in from the Sea so are not polluted by 140m Nigerians. How can you be so fortunate as to live by a lovely breeze blowing off the Sea and instead you choose to spend the night at -12C with frigid recycled air blowing on you all night, and a blanket to warm you up again, not to talk about all the global warming you are contributing to by using all that power and the fact that you first of all l make It really cold and then wrap blanket around you to keep snug – blanket in Nigeria????

4. This is a positive one
Every now and then, I come across a person that is so courteous and so out to ensure you get good service that I am really touched. Perhaps I have read Nigerians wrong, but I find this particularly touching here in Nigeria. I become suspicious and think that it cannot last. I have come across a few people at work that blow me away with their courteous behavior and willingness to be of service. My driver, the guy that looks after my account, the other guy that sorted out my computer issues, their good service was very touching. I salute una. I hope I can be equally as good but I’m not sure, I am learning to fast how to be a true Nigerian and always scheme to get my own way – sad, now that I have seen there is an alternative, maybe I can change…